Round Two

So where am I now on this journey towards love? I admit my last post was a story about drama that occurred nearly a month before. Rest assured, my month of September wasn't boring: Android and Heli both went to bat, stating their clear intentions. We went on amazing dates. I received beautiful flowers. I honestly thought either of these guys could be my guy, but I hesitated: Android was so insecure and Heli's personality bored me. (Do I sound as horrible as I think I do?) In the end, I had to let them both slip back into the sea.

This was difficult as I truly liked both of them--but in liking them, I realized I had more of a friendly feeling than a "loverly" feeling. I had to be fair to all involved. (NorCal ladies, I know two great guys, if you need recommendations--though Android needs a little time, I think.)

Tangentially, I have to say it's incredible to me how men--not just women!--romanticize love. Android is a good example of this--perhaps because he had been so hurt by his ex-wife. He loves chick-flicks (in addition to his dude movies) and the idea of this all-incompassing, "rescue-y" type love. Barf.

So where do I go from here? I've totally revamped my online profile (which went live yesterday). Instead of having a short, light and fluffy profile (which encouraged the "hey baby" type guys), I've decided to speak to my audience. Almost as soon as the profile was live, I received two thoughtful messages in my inbox--this after weeks of radio silence (but then, I wasn't giving my profile any love). I'm back in the game.

This time, I'm setting a higher bar for my dates. Don't get me wrong, I learned plenty in my last go-around: I practiced setting boundaries and speaking honestly and kindly. I allowed men to be men--opening doors, buying me gifts, paying for dates--and practiced my own femininity--graciously receiving. I didn't meet my "true love," but it was awesome.

So it appears I have two quarter men: Bill Draper and Guy (more clever name to be determined).

No expectations, kids.

On Dating: Why the Hell I'm Doing It This Way

If you think I'm crazy for dating a bunch of guys at once, telling them all that they're not the only iron in the fire, you're not the only one. It's true, there have been some doozies (some I haven't written about) but it's also true that I've been deliciously surprised--which I also haven't written about. Yet. So while this plan may not work for everyone, let me assure you: it's working for me.

See, I believe I've had the wrong assumptions all these years. I think I've been scared and knee-jerky (both in ditching men and in getting too seriously involved too soon). There's nothing like dating a whole handful at once to slow things the heck down!

I have no expectations, and it's wonderfully freeing. I take that back--I only expect to be treated respectfully and honestly. Outside of that, bring it on!

I'm currently dating two guys who are amazing--they've completely surprised me with how genuine, interesting, lovely, masculine they are. Did they perk my ears right away? No. But over time (two months for one, about one month for the other), I've started to really like them--even become attracted to them. The guys? Heli and Android.

What happened to TallGuy and Sailor? About 3 weeks ago on the day before our anticipated second date, TallGuy texted me to apologize and say he just wasn't ready to date. Disappointing, yes, but it is what it is and I only had a small pout. Sailor contacted me similarly the day before a very, very, very much anticipated date (sailing on the bay, dinner, the whole deal) to say he just was too busy to go out. It's true that he was picking up and moving household, so I do completely buy it--but I also believed (and time has proven) that he just wasn't keen on seeing me. This was really, really disappointing.

But if there is one thing I've learned it's that you can't make someone feel what they don't. It could just be a factor of time (not enough of it, different head spaces, whathaveyou), but the best thing to do is give yourself a shake (and if the disappointment is great, treat yourself to something nice--I took myself on a little weekend getaway) and move on.

And I have moved on. Heli and I are seeing each other a couple of times a week, and I've grown incredibly attracted to him. I see Android about once a week and like him more each time I see him.

So what's my deal? Is this some sort of polyamorous thing I've got going on here? Not at all. I'm just not in the place where I can dive right into an exclusive relationship. These guys know it. If they aren't OK with it, they can move on, but for now, I'm really enjoying getting to know them, and I believe it's entirely possible that I could fall in love with either of them.

That said, I'm still online and still willing to meet someone else.

Tonight my manicurist said that I should just have fun and not worry about finding The One. When it's right, I'll know it, and I won't have to force it. I agree.

Next time: A date shares with me (over a taco dinner) that he's getting a vasectomy the next day. (Honest to God.) Stay tuned.

The Man Corral

This Four Man Plan (4MP) is working perfectly. Right now I have five men (count 'em) in rotation. This is definitely a first for me--and it's purely for lack of trying earlier.

Some key points:
- None of these men have swept me off my feet
- I've made it clear to three of them that I'm seeing other men (TallGuy and Sailor being the exceptions); interesting that the ones who know I'm dating others are the most attentive!
- There is no stress here whatsoever - a surprise to me, who always thought that dating multiples would be stressful. Not so.

You may be wondering why I'm seeing these men if I'm not crazy about them. My thought is, why not? 4MP is a bootcamp for those of us who suck at dating--and I'll admit it: I suck at dating. I have broken hearts and have had my heart broken for years, pouring myself (hopes, dreams) into a single man who, if I'm honest with myself, I really just wanted to make out with (or sleep with). Far better to get it on than to imagine I'm in love--and imagine that he's a person entirely different than he is.

Dating these five guys (and I'm seeking more candidates--am I crazy?) is a great way to observe the male creature. It's a great way to get in touch with myself and to understand (learn) what I need in a relationship. Plus, these men (for the most part) are really stepping up to the plate. I've never been romanced before! (Could it have been that I set the threshold for sex far too low?) I cannot recommend 4MP enough.

So here's who I've got:

TallGuy - Hunky, but not in the game--he canceled our second date and hasn't rescheduled. He's off the graph in a couple of days, if I don't hear from him. (And, yes, I did pursue a second date with him--but according to The Plan, it's not for me to bug him any more. And actually, I don't mind--plenty of other men to do. I mean see. ;) ) I didn't let him know I'm seeing other men on the first date--a mistake, I think, and one that I have not repeated on dates with other men.

Mr. No-Car Bartender - I wish this guy would disappear! But fortunately, he has gone back to his evening bar tending job and I'm going out of town for a bit. I'll see him in two weeks, at the soonest.

Sailor - Our first date is August 1, and in the meantime, great emails and texts flit back and forth. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much about this one, because as we all know, great email does not equal great chemistry in person.

Heli - We had our first date on Tuesday. I could tell by his face that he was surprised I'm so tall (didn't he read my very brief profile?). I thought we were just meeting for a drink, but he earned major points by making dinner reservations. Love it when a man takes initiative! (so rare, in my world) We have a second date this afternoon--and again he took initiative in choosing the restaurant and making reservations.

Realtor - I met Realtor on Wednesday. Yes, two first dates in a row. I don't recommend it. He drove all the way in from Oakland, too--very nice, but I don't like that it means we have to invest a chunk of time each time we see each other. Dating local is great because you can just pop out for a drink--given an hour's drive, you feel like you have to invest more time. Anyway, Realtor is smart, funny, masculine. Where I'm the reserved Northern Euro type (thanks to my upbringing, more than my actual heritage), he's boisterous and bigger than life. I'm not sure I could deal with that over the long haul. BUT, what I loved was that he was SO appreciative of my looks. "If I'd known you were so fine, I'd have driven up on Monday!"

Heli and Realtor are big on calling, and I'm not so much a phone person, though I realize it's important. Heli also texts WAY too much. Every day? We've just gone out once, buddy. I half wish I hadn't made plans with him this afternoon, but he's headed out of town soon (as am I), and the second date is more important than the first one, I believe. First dates are almost always a bundle of nerves and people are hardly ever representative of who they are.

Anyway, I'm having fun. I'm keeping an eye out for love, of course, but right now it's more about just meeting guys and appreciating them as they are with no expectations. Not a bad way to go.

TallGuy, Mr. Bartender and Now, Sailor

Adventures with The Four Man Plan continue, and I have to say, the method is great for someone like me--someone who puts eggs in all one basket way too easily, who can fall in love with an idea more easily than an actual man. I need to invest more time in Match and OKC, though, picking up more contacts (i.e. quarter men).

Here's the lay of the land:

I met Mr. Bartender at the billiards club last Saturday and had a beer and a half. Somewhere mid-way through our conversation, I said, "So, tell me about your car situation." And Mr. B basically said that cars are too expensive and he can just borrow his roommate's. Now, his roommate (his best friend) is married--so Mr. B is living with a young married couple and … I cannot imagine how annoying that must be, especially for the wife. He said he didn't have any DUIs, and I believe him, but it's just odd. Yes, cars are expensive, but if you're going to live outside a city, that's just the cost of getting around and having a life.

At the end of our date, he made a play for my next Saturday night (which would have been last night). Part of the 4MP is that you say yes to every invitation, but I didn't like my Saturday night being spoken for so far in advance! Yes, if I were interested in Mr. B, I would have been elated. I made some noises like, "Oh, that sounds fun. Sure, touch base with me mid-week." And I didn't hear from him all week, thank God. Yesterday (Saturday) he texted me to let me know that he'd been hired back at his old job--a restaurant that turns into a dance club Friday and Saturday nights. Did I want to come down?

No, no I didn't. Honestly, the restaurant is weird and Mr. B is the only bartender so I'd only be able to wave at him. He followed up with an invitation for me to come down earlier, he'd buy me a drink. I didn't respond--which will probably give me a dollop of bad dating karma.

But it really can't be worse, karma-wise, than what I've been experiencing recently anyway. A guy with no car, a super hot man who never followed up … That's right, no word from TallGuy. Par for the course. The disappointment is only glancing. He was, yes, hot--and I wanted to jump him. (was hoping for the opportunity, in fact--and I am rarely inspired to do so) But I don't think we had a good connection--not on the first date, anyway, which is why I wanted to try for a second. (That and the chance to at least make out, for pete's sake.)

Part of the reason I wasn't crushed with disappointment, however, was that I heard from Sailor: great email, nice profile, and after a few exchanges we realized that we had mutual friends and had met some 10 years ago! What a freakin' small world. He immediately gave me his number so we could text. Now, normally I don't text guys I don't know, but I made an exception with Sailor, and we've been texting off and on over the last few days. (This in addition to email.) It turns out that we even live in the same neighborhood. Crazy!

Now, examining my heart of hearts, I don't know that it will go anywhere with Sailor. I think we might be enjoying the slight familiarity. I don't know how recently he is out of his divorce … it might be easier for him to communicate when he's way out on the ocean. Who knows? I'm hoping for at least friendship, because he does seem like a cool guy. (I remember him that way--also somewhat taciturn with wild hair.)

This afternoon, I've got to drum up some more quarter men! It's the name of the game, ladies.

Survival of the Fittest

First the great news: I snapped a pair on and contacted TG on Wednesday, one week from our first date--as The Four Man Plan (4MP) stipulates. I was so nervous, but realized that waiting a week was a great idea: enough time had passed that I was perfectly fine with whatever the outcome. One week is enough time to not appear desperate but to still seem interested. Nice.

So I texted TG asking whether he wanted to meet up again. An hour passed, and I started brainstorming gracious replies to what would likely be a "thanks but no thanks" response. Then, a half hour later I got an enthusiastic reply: he would love to meet again but is really busy through Monday. He'd contact me at the beginning of next week--Monday! And then he sent a pic …

He wasn't wearing a shirt. Nice! Even nicer, he took it at an angle that made him appear … well, larger than he is. And I like that because 1) he wasn't posing all beefcake like and 2) it makes him human. I responded very casually with a "Sounds good!" and then a pic of my own: me in my office, wearing glasses, looking (I hope) like a sly, sexy librarian. It was supposed to be funny, but he doesn't know me, so who knows if it translates.

But the pressure is off. He'll contact me Monday and we'll have our second date. Who knows?

I contacted Mr. Bartender, who has no car and now, as it happens, no job (UGH), on Thursday--again, for that required second date. Because of his job/car situation, I feel like I've accidentally fallen into the role of instigator, which I really don't want to do. I suggested we go to a local brewery … but then, realizing that I had taken the lead, backed off. Mr. B asked if he could call me that night and I said sure, thought I would be out with a friend.

The whole thing irritated me--just call, don't ask! I feel like I keep making excuses--though I was relieved to have them.

Part of it is I don't know Mr. B well. He's virtually ungoogleable, whereas TG's family business is prominent. I feel far more cautious with Mr. B.

Well, we have a date this afternoon at a billiards club. At least it'll be in the A/C. He wanted to meet this evening, but I said I had plans. I don't. I just don't want to be out with this guy at night just yet.

Obviously, I'm not attracted to Mr. B much, so why I am I doing this? To keep my options open. To keep from obsessing about TG. To learn to be open to men and to learn from them.

It's a tall order for me. I hope the exercise is worth it.

But Mr. B? You need to start stepping up with making plans. And note to self: no more taking the lead!

Mr. Bartender

I haven't heard from TallGuy since Wednesday. I'm a bit bummed about that, but taking it in stride. Per the Four Man Plan (4MP), I am cultivating my other quarters--all one of them. (I had another who turned out to be a weirdo, so he's off the plan.) Why not contact TallGuy now myself? Well, the idea of the 4MP isn't so much a Rules-based You Must Be Pursued thing as it teaches those of us who suck at dating how to not obsess about one dude. As such, I won't contact TallGuy (unless I hear from him) for another week and a half few days. That's right: the Plan stipulates that if the guy doesn't call you for a second date, you must call him at two weeks one week (ed note: I had that wrong, thank god!)--even if you don't want to go out with him. (Unless you get a seriously icky vibe from him, of course.) The idea again is to help you be light and free, non-obsessive--all that good stuff.

The old Ruby would be obsessed with TallGuy right now. And the truth is, I've had some trouble keeping my balance. But thanks to 4MP, I went out with my quarter, Mr. Bartender, for lunch today and actually had a really nice time. I was relaxed and felt no pressure and easily told him about where I am currently in the dating world: getting to know a lot of different people. (The 4MP calls this halving a man.) He was totally cool with it, and even asked me out next weekend.

So I hope TallGuy contacts me again, if only so I can show how cool and calm I can be--and so I can halve him.

But if not, so be it. I'll reach out to him the first week in July, and if that doesn't pan out, there are more fish in the sea. Hopefully tall ones. ;)

It's Pride week in N____ right now, and I'm going to an LGBTQ dance tonight with my friend and her partner. Hoping there will be some fun, straight guys I can get to know there!

Pants on Fire

I believe problems are best dealt with immediately. At work recently I made a $1000 error and, as soon as I collected my horror, I walked into my boss's office, closed the door, and told her what happened. The truth will out, better that I'm the one to out it.

So with J (the 51yo masquerading as a 44yo), I wrote my indignant entry (bet you didn't know it was indignant!) and vented on Facebook (now all my friends know I'm dating online--so be it, I got a GREAT reaction) and emailed J.

I explained my habit of googling my dates and that I fully expected to be googled myself. I said that I had discovered that he is 51, not 44 (I even sent him the link--figured he should know what's out there--perhaps it will encourage him to cleave closer to the truth!). I said that it wasn't his age so much as the variance from the truth that bothered me (though, yes, 51 is truly too close to my mother's age for comfort)--a variance that is not a good foundation for a relationship, not to mention a second date. I wished him luck.

He wrote back and said he appreciated my candor. It's just hard dating at 51, he said.

I kind of wanted to give him a kick because 51 is young! I know so many active, attractive 50+ year-old men. Sometimes I have to stop myself from having tiny crushes on them (out of my age range--truly!). I suspect that J wants a young thing and doesn't have the finances to back it up--hence the lie.

Whatever. Onward! I desperately need to update my profile. I uploaded new, better pics (and have had many more visitors as a result) but things have been hush-hush.

Shenanigan

So somehow I've skated through the online dating world without running into any egregious lies. That's right, none of my dates posted pictures from years ago or said they were seven years younger than they actually were .... until now. And I'm not sure what to do about it, me being too kind and all.

I met "J" Friday night for drinks. Fortunately he recognized me because I didn't recognize him, though he did look vaguely like his photographs. At first I thought that he'd just cut his hair, which had been quite long. Good riddance; I'm not into long locks on a guy. And then as we talked I looked at his face and hands and began to doubt that he was 44, as his profile states. His hair was also suspiciously sans grey. (Hey, tons of people my age have grey--not a grey hair at 44 seems unlikely.)

I decided to focus on the conversation and didn't think about it much. We ended up getting some inexpensive sushi. He wanted to go for dessert, but I demurred and suggested we get together this coming week. Honestly, I didn't think he would invite me out again and that, following the Four Man Plan rules, I would have to invite him on a second date. (Yes, you read that right--I'll save the reasoning for another post.)

When I got home I had a short message from him saying that he had a great time, even though I was too tall and too smart for him. Yes, his 5' 10" was highly suspect--I have yet to meet a man whose profile says 5'10" who is actually 5'10" (same goes for 6'). Illusions of grandeur, I suspect, and not true maliciousness. Perhaps they don't believe me when I say I'm 5'11"? Ho boy, I am very much 5'11".

Anyway, I wrote back something light and friendly to let him know the height thing wasn't an issue. He wanted to get together today, Sunday, and I just wanted a day to myself so again suggested sometime later this week.

It occurred to me just a moment ago to pop over to www.peoplefinders.com. There are very few people by his name the country over, and only one in N____. He's 51.

I don't wish to be cruel or stalkery (people my age assume internet searches; I'm not sure J does--he basically said he wasn't into technology) but I want him to know that I detect an age difference that is beyond my scope of acceptance. He's just a few years shy of my mom's age, for Pete's sake! Any tips for breaking the news? Maybe just saying the bit about detecting an age difference is enough? Or should I point out the website and ask him if its accurate?

He did mention growing up in New York and appreciating the forthrightness there (as opposed to the much more laid back California). Perhaps I should just remind him of that and tell him the fast discrepancy in profile age to actual age is a dealbreaker for me.

Have any of you dealt with this sort of shenanigan? What did you do?

A First

The coolest thing happened! A/S and I spoke Friday and after a good conversation about why the second date was so weird, he let me know that he preferred that we remained friends. Whether we actually stay friends or not is beside the point (though I hope we do): I have never had a man call me after two dates and let me know where things stood! Have you? (My girlfriends are incredulous and impressed with A/S.) That man has chalked up some good dating karma points for sure, and his honesty and forthrightness has buoyed my spirits. I hope he finds his person soon.

The incredibly cute photographer mentioned in the previous post was as cute and nice and funny and great as ever yesterday. I suspect that he is gay after all, and anyway he mentioned a "we." So male or female, I'm definitely not in the running. Oh well. I wore a super cute outfit for the day-long shoot and garnered the attention of his assistant and my coworkers. I still got it. ;)

Or, actually, I think I got some of It back. After three months of regular exercise, I am finally seeing some noticeable slimming and toning. My clothes fit better, I feel better and ... just those two things make me feel far more confident about myself--more than 5 lbs (if that) could warrant.

Sunday night I went to a party with a bunch of friends and had the best time. I ended up staying until the wee hours and dancing my feet off. One of our friends, Drop Dead, was super nice and complimentary and fun, but I know he was just feeling lonely. (Such a nice guy, and so conventionally HOT. I'd prefer someone not so sizzling, you know?)

I'm writing one guy on OKC. I'm not jazzed about him, but I'm following the Four Man Plan credo to not discredit anyone unless he gives me the "ickies." (And being bald or too short or too hairy or ... etc. doesn't count, according to Cindy Lu. Ickies kick in when you feel like he could be abusive or that you wouldn't be safe or anything along those lines.) I need to shine my profile, though, but who has the time?

Uno, Dos, Tres ... Quatro

I've done the thing I swore I would never do: I've gone back online.

Yes, as of about 30 minutes ago, I am indeed back in the murky, funky world of online dating. I know--I can't believe it either.

What hath possessed me to do such a thing? The fault lies in two places: this book and gin&tonic. (mostly the former)

I think I missed The Four Man Plan (4MP) craze (partially available on Google Books!), but the book resonated with me. (And here I try to summarize the book and fail completely.) One of my Great Faults in my dating "career" is that I've let men know they were the sole competitor way too soon. It puts way too much pressure on the poor guys and it makes me (sweet, sane little me) obsessive. I am sure that the reason that Guy and Bill fell smack-dab in love with me is that they were trying to win me over, never mind that they weren't competing against men--they were competing against the worst adversary of all: my dark, cold heart.

Another issue? I sleep with guys too soon. I do. I cast no judgement elsewhere, I'm just saying that for me, raging hormones + jumpy nerves = early sex. And that's all fine and good for, you know, a passing dalliance--but for a long-term thing, it's better (for me) not to jump so quickly. The 4MP outlines some great ways to keep it in perspective and under control.

Oh ugh. I'm not describing my thoughts or the book well at all and I sound like I guzzled the kool-aid. If you're at all curious (and I don't know why you would be after reading this), you can buy it at audible.com--and save yourself the embarrassment of buying it at a bookstore. :)

PS: Second date with A/S yesterday. Fun but totally void of zing. He was apparently running on two hours of sleep, which could explain it. I'm feeling very eh about it ... but! He's the only guy in my 4MP mantris (this will NOT make sense unless you've read the book), so onward. I need to collect more men for the mantris--hence the online signup.

(I think I need to explain myself, but the g&t has gone to my head. More later. Wish me luck on the online dating thing. I can't believe I'm doing this--again!)

The Man Circle

I went out last night--a rare occurrence. Well, actually no--not rare. But in this case there was a whole, big group of us, men and women, and we were all celebrating someone's birthday and a friend of mine was driving me. And so I kicked up my heels more than usual.

We talked about men--three or four of us single girls and a married friend. The married friend asked if we'd created our "man circle," which she described as drawing a circle on a piece of paper and writing all the attributes and qualities you wanted in a man. One then affixes this paper to a prominent location, "like your refrigerator," she said, "although you can put it on the side so not just anyone will see it." She said she met her husband days after creating her man circle.

I can actually see the benefit of narrowing what you're looking for in a tangible way because then one isn't distracted by the cutie who doesn't have a job or who's hung up on his ex or whatever. I suppose I shall give it a go.

But I suspect my problem (at the moment) isn't identifying attributes and qualities but meeting men period. I need to work on that, first of all. Jeez. First and foremost: I need to stop wearing heels on social occasions. They put me in the stratosphere, and while that used to be a strategy to keep the boys at bay, I now see the value in approachability.

OKCupid is killing me. Still writing that one guy, but neither of us seem too hot to meet each other. I'm ready to take down the profile.

Mission: Opposite

Well, I did it: I did "The Opposite Thing." And it turned out well.

I emailed Bill and told him I missed him. Yes, pretty much just like that.

He wrote back, saying it was good to hear and so sweet. He was gutted. He wanted to hear more. He asked me how I was.

I hemmed and hawed and decided to keep things simple. So I said I really appreciated how we had so much in common. (Not very sexy, I know--but wait, this is a good thing!) Then I gave a quick, airy-fairy rundown on the latest. I asked him how he was.

(Now remember, we had exchanged several emails on Sunday before I even let "I miss you" out of the bag.)

He let me know how he was with work, hobbies and ... love life! Yes, he is dating someone he called "wonderful." And of course I felt a wee bit numb at his revelation--numb but not surprised. And I was glad (so glad) that I kept my Declaration of Missing simple. Because really, it is simple. I miss his friendship, at the very bottom of it. He wouldn't have wanted to hear that.

(And did I really want to try again with him? No. I know it now. I feel nostalgic, but it's nostalgia for the friendship, not the romance.)

Oh, and he said he would tell me about his someone wonderful over drinks.

Um, no. I'm not going there. With his rapid-fire responses to my emails and his not telling me about this for (I suspect) months, I don't exactly think he's ready for plain, ol' friendship. Plus, if I were her, I wouldn't want my guy hanging out with the woman who broke his heart. (Plus-plus, the NV is so, so small. And their town has a population of 5,000 or so. No way. Bad mojo for future men I may want to meet in said teeny town.)

So I just wrote back and said how great it all was and that Ms. Wonderful must truly be wonderful because he had good taste. I didn't even touch on the subject of drinks.

I'm glad I stepped out and did the Opposite because it gave me the reality check--and answers--I needed. I gotta keep rolling on this Opposite track!

News:

1. There's someone sexy at work--good for a long-distance, fun crush.

2. I'm writing a guy on OKCupid. I have no expectations, which makes this zero pressure. (If it weren't for this correspondence, I'd quit the site. Online dating makes me break out in hives.)

OK Cupid, Whatcha' Got?

Ladies and gentlemen, we can blame (thank?) Loverville. I am in the process of joining OKCupid. I must say, for a completely free site, it seems very well designed and easy to use. And maybe they're just trying to lure me in, but the guys listed look interesting. (Must be fake profiles, right?)

Anyway, let the adventures ensue. I'm definitely not getting anywhere by following my set routines here at home--even if those routines involve hanging out (occasionally) at the NV hotspots. (Yesterday at brunch this 60-something man, drunk on mimosas I suppose, asked me if I was with someone. The answer was, of course, yes--I didn't want the guy bothering me! This is what one deals with here. Old, drunk, horny men. Wonderful.)

I feel entirely unconfident about this latest online dating attempt, but what's a girl to do? Last weekend I visited a friend in SF on what happened to be a gorgeous, sunny day. Everyone was out picnicking with their friends and family. I don't know if it was a ticking of the biological clock or if it was just loneliness, but I wanted that: the friends, the chubby children, the barbecue. I think my girlfriends felt it, too: the slight sadness of witnessing strangers' happiness. (But on the flip side, we have no diapers to change and no husbands to pick up after, though I know there is joy in caring for someone else.)