Survival of the Fittest

First the great news: I snapped a pair on and contacted TG on Wednesday, one week from our first date--as The Four Man Plan (4MP) stipulates. I was so nervous, but realized that waiting a week was a great idea: enough time had passed that I was perfectly fine with whatever the outcome. One week is enough time to not appear desperate but to still seem interested. Nice.

So I texted TG asking whether he wanted to meet up again. An hour passed, and I started brainstorming gracious replies to what would likely be a "thanks but no thanks" response. Then, a half hour later I got an enthusiastic reply: he would love to meet again but is really busy through Monday. He'd contact me at the beginning of next week--Monday! And then he sent a pic …

He wasn't wearing a shirt. Nice! Even nicer, he took it at an angle that made him appear … well, larger than he is. And I like that because 1) he wasn't posing all beefcake like and 2) it makes him human. I responded very casually with a "Sounds good!" and then a pic of my own: me in my office, wearing glasses, looking (I hope) like a sly, sexy librarian. It was supposed to be funny, but he doesn't know me, so who knows if it translates.

But the pressure is off. He'll contact me Monday and we'll have our second date. Who knows?

I contacted Mr. Bartender, who has no car and now, as it happens, no job (UGH), on Thursday--again, for that required second date. Because of his job/car situation, I feel like I've accidentally fallen into the role of instigator, which I really don't want to do. I suggested we go to a local brewery … but then, realizing that I had taken the lead, backed off. Mr. B asked if he could call me that night and I said sure, thought I would be out with a friend.

The whole thing irritated me--just call, don't ask! I feel like I keep making excuses--though I was relieved to have them.

Part of it is I don't know Mr. B well. He's virtually ungoogleable, whereas TG's family business is prominent. I feel far more cautious with Mr. B.

Well, we have a date this afternoon at a billiards club. At least it'll be in the A/C. He wanted to meet this evening, but I said I had plans. I don't. I just don't want to be out with this guy at night just yet.

Obviously, I'm not attracted to Mr. B much, so why I am I doing this? To keep my options open. To keep from obsessing about TG. To learn to be open to men and to learn from them.

It's a tall order for me. I hope the exercise is worth it.

But Mr. B? You need to start stepping up with making plans. And note to self: no more taking the lead!