Round Two

So where am I now on this journey towards love? I admit my last post was a story about drama that occurred nearly a month before. Rest assured, my month of September wasn't boring: Android and Heli both went to bat, stating their clear intentions. We went on amazing dates. I received beautiful flowers. I honestly thought either of these guys could be my guy, but I hesitated: Android was so insecure and Heli's personality bored me. (Do I sound as horrible as I think I do?) In the end, I had to let them both slip back into the sea.

This was difficult as I truly liked both of them--but in liking them, I realized I had more of a friendly feeling than a "loverly" feeling. I had to be fair to all involved. (NorCal ladies, I know two great guys, if you need recommendations--though Android needs a little time, I think.)

Tangentially, I have to say it's incredible to me how men--not just women!--romanticize love. Android is a good example of this--perhaps because he had been so hurt by his ex-wife. He loves chick-flicks (in addition to his dude movies) and the idea of this all-incompassing, "rescue-y" type love. Barf.

So where do I go from here? I've totally revamped my online profile (which went live yesterday). Instead of having a short, light and fluffy profile (which encouraged the "hey baby" type guys), I've decided to speak to my audience. Almost as soon as the profile was live, I received two thoughtful messages in my inbox--this after weeks of radio silence (but then, I wasn't giving my profile any love). I'm back in the game.

This time, I'm setting a higher bar for my dates. Don't get me wrong, I learned plenty in my last go-around: I practiced setting boundaries and speaking honestly and kindly. I allowed men to be men--opening doors, buying me gifts, paying for dates--and practiced my own femininity--graciously receiving. I didn't meet my "true love," but it was awesome.

So it appears I have two quarter men: Bill Draper and Guy (more clever name to be determined).

No expectations, kids.

TallGuy, Mr. Bartender and Now, Sailor

Adventures with The Four Man Plan continue, and I have to say, the method is great for someone like me--someone who puts eggs in all one basket way too easily, who can fall in love with an idea more easily than an actual man. I need to invest more time in Match and OKC, though, picking up more contacts (i.e. quarter men).

Here's the lay of the land:

I met Mr. Bartender at the billiards club last Saturday and had a beer and a half. Somewhere mid-way through our conversation, I said, "So, tell me about your car situation." And Mr. B basically said that cars are too expensive and he can just borrow his roommate's. Now, his roommate (his best friend) is married--so Mr. B is living with a young married couple and … I cannot imagine how annoying that must be, especially for the wife. He said he didn't have any DUIs, and I believe him, but it's just odd. Yes, cars are expensive, but if you're going to live outside a city, that's just the cost of getting around and having a life.

At the end of our date, he made a play for my next Saturday night (which would have been last night). Part of the 4MP is that you say yes to every invitation, but I didn't like my Saturday night being spoken for so far in advance! Yes, if I were interested in Mr. B, I would have been elated. I made some noises like, "Oh, that sounds fun. Sure, touch base with me mid-week." And I didn't hear from him all week, thank God. Yesterday (Saturday) he texted me to let me know that he'd been hired back at his old job--a restaurant that turns into a dance club Friday and Saturday nights. Did I want to come down?

No, no I didn't. Honestly, the restaurant is weird and Mr. B is the only bartender so I'd only be able to wave at him. He followed up with an invitation for me to come down earlier, he'd buy me a drink. I didn't respond--which will probably give me a dollop of bad dating karma.

But it really can't be worse, karma-wise, than what I've been experiencing recently anyway. A guy with no car, a super hot man who never followed up … That's right, no word from TallGuy. Par for the course. The disappointment is only glancing. He was, yes, hot--and I wanted to jump him. (was hoping for the opportunity, in fact--and I am rarely inspired to do so) But I don't think we had a good connection--not on the first date, anyway, which is why I wanted to try for a second. (That and the chance to at least make out, for pete's sake.)

Part of the reason I wasn't crushed with disappointment, however, was that I heard from Sailor: great email, nice profile, and after a few exchanges we realized that we had mutual friends and had met some 10 years ago! What a freakin' small world. He immediately gave me his number so we could text. Now, normally I don't text guys I don't know, but I made an exception with Sailor, and we've been texting off and on over the last few days. (This in addition to email.) It turns out that we even live in the same neighborhood. Crazy!

Now, examining my heart of hearts, I don't know that it will go anywhere with Sailor. I think we might be enjoying the slight familiarity. I don't know how recently he is out of his divorce … it might be easier for him to communicate when he's way out on the ocean. Who knows? I'm hoping for at least friendship, because he does seem like a cool guy. (I remember him that way--also somewhat taciturn with wild hair.)

This afternoon, I've got to drum up some more quarter men! It's the name of the game, ladies.

Mr. Bartender

I haven't heard from TallGuy since Wednesday. I'm a bit bummed about that, but taking it in stride. Per the Four Man Plan (4MP), I am cultivating my other quarters--all one of them. (I had another who turned out to be a weirdo, so he's off the plan.) Why not contact TallGuy now myself? Well, the idea of the 4MP isn't so much a Rules-based You Must Be Pursued thing as it teaches those of us who suck at dating how to not obsess about one dude. As such, I won't contact TallGuy (unless I hear from him) for another week and a half few days. That's right: the Plan stipulates that if the guy doesn't call you for a second date, you must call him at two weeks one week (ed note: I had that wrong, thank god!)--even if you don't want to go out with him. (Unless you get a seriously icky vibe from him, of course.) The idea again is to help you be light and free, non-obsessive--all that good stuff.

The old Ruby would be obsessed with TallGuy right now. And the truth is, I've had some trouble keeping my balance. But thanks to 4MP, I went out with my quarter, Mr. Bartender, for lunch today and actually had a really nice time. I was relaxed and felt no pressure and easily told him about where I am currently in the dating world: getting to know a lot of different people. (The 4MP calls this halving a man.) He was totally cool with it, and even asked me out next weekend.

So I hope TallGuy contacts me again, if only so I can show how cool and calm I can be--and so I can halve him.

But if not, so be it. I'll reach out to him the first week in July, and if that doesn't pan out, there are more fish in the sea. Hopefully tall ones. ;)

It's Pride week in N____ right now, and I'm going to an LGBTQ dance tonight with my friend and her partner. Hoping there will be some fun, straight guys I can get to know there!