On Dating: Why the Hell I'm Doing It This Way

If you think I'm crazy for dating a bunch of guys at once, telling them all that they're not the only iron in the fire, you're not the only one. It's true, there have been some doozies (some I haven't written about) but it's also true that I've been deliciously surprised--which I also haven't written about. Yet. So while this plan may not work for everyone, let me assure you: it's working for me.

See, I believe I've had the wrong assumptions all these years. I think I've been scared and knee-jerky (both in ditching men and in getting too seriously involved too soon). There's nothing like dating a whole handful at once to slow things the heck down!

I have no expectations, and it's wonderfully freeing. I take that back--I only expect to be treated respectfully and honestly. Outside of that, bring it on!

I'm currently dating two guys who are amazing--they've completely surprised me with how genuine, interesting, lovely, masculine they are. Did they perk my ears right away? No. But over time (two months for one, about one month for the other), I've started to really like them--even become attracted to them. The guys? Heli and Android.

What happened to TallGuy and Sailor? About 3 weeks ago on the day before our anticipated second date, TallGuy texted me to apologize and say he just wasn't ready to date. Disappointing, yes, but it is what it is and I only had a small pout. Sailor contacted me similarly the day before a very, very, very much anticipated date (sailing on the bay, dinner, the whole deal) to say he just was too busy to go out. It's true that he was picking up and moving household, so I do completely buy it--but I also believed (and time has proven) that he just wasn't keen on seeing me. This was really, really disappointing.

But if there is one thing I've learned it's that you can't make someone feel what they don't. It could just be a factor of time (not enough of it, different head spaces, whathaveyou), but the best thing to do is give yourself a shake (and if the disappointment is great, treat yourself to something nice--I took myself on a little weekend getaway) and move on.

And I have moved on. Heli and I are seeing each other a couple of times a week, and I've grown incredibly attracted to him. I see Android about once a week and like him more each time I see him.

So what's my deal? Is this some sort of polyamorous thing I've got going on here? Not at all. I'm just not in the place where I can dive right into an exclusive relationship. These guys know it. If they aren't OK with it, they can move on, but for now, I'm really enjoying getting to know them, and I believe it's entirely possible that I could fall in love with either of them.

That said, I'm still online and still willing to meet someone else.

Tonight my manicurist said that I should just have fun and not worry about finding The One. When it's right, I'll know it, and I won't have to force it. I agree.

Next time: A date shares with me (over a taco dinner) that he's getting a vasectomy the next day. (Honest to God.) Stay tuned.