The Man Corral

This Four Man Plan (4MP) is working perfectly. Right now I have five men (count 'em) in rotation. This is definitely a first for me--and it's purely for lack of trying earlier.

Some key points:
- None of these men have swept me off my feet
- I've made it clear to three of them that I'm seeing other men (TallGuy and Sailor being the exceptions); interesting that the ones who know I'm dating others are the most attentive!
- There is no stress here whatsoever - a surprise to me, who always thought that dating multiples would be stressful. Not so.

You may be wondering why I'm seeing these men if I'm not crazy about them. My thought is, why not? 4MP is a bootcamp for those of us who suck at dating--and I'll admit it: I suck at dating. I have broken hearts and have had my heart broken for years, pouring myself (hopes, dreams) into a single man who, if I'm honest with myself, I really just wanted to make out with (or sleep with). Far better to get it on than to imagine I'm in love--and imagine that he's a person entirely different than he is.

Dating these five guys (and I'm seeking more candidates--am I crazy?) is a great way to observe the male creature. It's a great way to get in touch with myself and to understand (learn) what I need in a relationship. Plus, these men (for the most part) are really stepping up to the plate. I've never been romanced before! (Could it have been that I set the threshold for sex far too low?) I cannot recommend 4MP enough.

So here's who I've got:

TallGuy - Hunky, but not in the game--he canceled our second date and hasn't rescheduled. He's off the graph in a couple of days, if I don't hear from him. (And, yes, I did pursue a second date with him--but according to The Plan, it's not for me to bug him any more. And actually, I don't mind--plenty of other men to do. I mean see. ;) ) I didn't let him know I'm seeing other men on the first date--a mistake, I think, and one that I have not repeated on dates with other men.

Mr. No-Car Bartender - I wish this guy would disappear! But fortunately, he has gone back to his evening bar tending job and I'm going out of town for a bit. I'll see him in two weeks, at the soonest.

Sailor - Our first date is August 1, and in the meantime, great emails and texts flit back and forth. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much about this one, because as we all know, great email does not equal great chemistry in person.

Heli - We had our first date on Tuesday. I could tell by his face that he was surprised I'm so tall (didn't he read my very brief profile?). I thought we were just meeting for a drink, but he earned major points by making dinner reservations. Love it when a man takes initiative! (so rare, in my world) We have a second date this afternoon--and again he took initiative in choosing the restaurant and making reservations.

Realtor - I met Realtor on Wednesday. Yes, two first dates in a row. I don't recommend it. He drove all the way in from Oakland, too--very nice, but I don't like that it means we have to invest a chunk of time each time we see each other. Dating local is great because you can just pop out for a drink--given an hour's drive, you feel like you have to invest more time. Anyway, Realtor is smart, funny, masculine. Where I'm the reserved Northern Euro type (thanks to my upbringing, more than my actual heritage), he's boisterous and bigger than life. I'm not sure I could deal with that over the long haul. BUT, what I loved was that he was SO appreciative of my looks. "If I'd known you were so fine, I'd have driven up on Monday!"

Heli and Realtor are big on calling, and I'm not so much a phone person, though I realize it's important. Heli also texts WAY too much. Every day? We've just gone out once, buddy. I half wish I hadn't made plans with him this afternoon, but he's headed out of town soon (as am I), and the second date is more important than the first one, I believe. First dates are almost always a bundle of nerves and people are hardly ever representative of who they are.

Anyway, I'm having fun. I'm keeping an eye out for love, of course, but right now it's more about just meeting guys and appreciating them as they are with no expectations. Not a bad way to go.

Mr. Bartender

I haven't heard from TallGuy since Wednesday. I'm a bit bummed about that, but taking it in stride. Per the Four Man Plan (4MP), I am cultivating my other quarters--all one of them. (I had another who turned out to be a weirdo, so he's off the plan.) Why not contact TallGuy now myself? Well, the idea of the 4MP isn't so much a Rules-based You Must Be Pursued thing as it teaches those of us who suck at dating how to not obsess about one dude. As such, I won't contact TallGuy (unless I hear from him) for another week and a half few days. That's right: the Plan stipulates that if the guy doesn't call you for a second date, you must call him at two weeks one week (ed note: I had that wrong, thank god!)--even if you don't want to go out with him. (Unless you get a seriously icky vibe from him, of course.) The idea again is to help you be light and free, non-obsessive--all that good stuff.

The old Ruby would be obsessed with TallGuy right now. And the truth is, I've had some trouble keeping my balance. But thanks to 4MP, I went out with my quarter, Mr. Bartender, for lunch today and actually had a really nice time. I was relaxed and felt no pressure and easily told him about where I am currently in the dating world: getting to know a lot of different people. (The 4MP calls this halving a man.) He was totally cool with it, and even asked me out next weekend.

So I hope TallGuy contacts me again, if only so I can show how cool and calm I can be--and so I can halve him.

But if not, so be it. I'll reach out to him the first week in July, and if that doesn't pan out, there are more fish in the sea. Hopefully tall ones. ;)

It's Pride week in N____ right now, and I'm going to an LGBTQ dance tonight with my friend and her partner. Hoping there will be some fun, straight guys I can get to know there!