Missing the Ex (for some odd reason)

Today I find I miss my ex. My most recent ex, that is, the one who I couldn't fall in love with, no matter how much I wanted to.

Which brings me to why I started up a dating blog again, after nearly 14 months of being un-single. The first five months were spent with a guy (The One That Got Away--TOTGA) I inconveniently fell in love with. I don't fall in love easily or often--I dare say he may well have been the first. And, alas, it was unrequited and the situation became increasingly painful. I let him go.

In swooped my now most recent ex (let's call him Bill). I let myself get swept up in his enthusiasm. After porridge too cold, porridge too hot was nice, even if I knew the danger. I shouldn't have dated him so soon after TOTGA, but you know how smudgy the heart and head is after a crushing disappointment. Bill loved me, faults and all. It's hard to throw that away, but nine months later, I had to.

He's been devastated--we've been broken up three months, and he's still having a hard time. The irony is, of course, that I felt for TOTGA what Bill feels for me. Where is the justice?

Bill and I have a ton in common--same interests, everything. Aside from my not loving him, though, I took issue with his lack of ambition. He is happy with the status quo; he doesn't take care of his health and drinks too much. I never harped at him about these things--aside from the not going to the doctor business--but all of this made me feel significantly unsafe. (O Cliche! I am a woman who desires security.)

I liked Bill, but there was too much pressure. If he could have reeled in the declarations of love (and etc.) I might have been able to stay on longer. Then again, at nine months if a girl knows this just won't pan out, it's better to move on.

Still, I miss him, and today is his birthday.