I was thinking this weekend how my view of love has changed dramatically (and likely for the better) in these last few years.
I clearly recall believing that Love kept close company with Destiny. This was when I believed that things happened for a Reason (large or small). When I was young--a teenager--I knew that Love would find me when I was ready for it. This knowledge had a mystical quality to it, and I in my tortured, poetic coming-of-age stage felt I was a martyr to this Greater Truth. Love would find me.
If I had known at 16 that I would be single at 33, would I have had the wisdom to be proud of myself?
Because, my dears, Love has not found me. My heart has been taken for a couple of spins, and I have heard declarations of love and even had an offer of marriage (and one or two "test proposals"), but no ... No Love here. And I am so glad I didn't accept that proposal or tease along the test proposals. It's gotta be right or it's not gonna be. (And by "right" I don't mean "perfect.")
The tough truth of it is that not all of us are going to find it. And it's not for lack of our own personal coolness or attractiveness or intelligence. I, without an ounce of bitterness, view Love more as a lottery than destiny these days. I aim to connect with people--or I'm learning to. If I meet him, I meet him. And if not, I am going to have a damned amazing life anyway.
Great post Ruby!
ReplyDeleteYou are a whole lot smarter at 33 than I ever was! I'm just now learning the truth about love. All of us have damned amazing lives with or without partners, and we can't settle for less than amazing simply to have someone accompany us on this road.
Thanks Juliette! We'll see how I feel at, say, 35. ;)
ReplyDeleteYou are certainly right - a lottery it is indeed, and often a capricious one at that.
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