First the great news: I snapped a pair on and contacted TG on Wednesday, one week from our first date--as The Four Man Plan (4MP) stipulates. I was so nervous, but realized that waiting a week was a great idea: enough time had passed that I was perfectly fine with whatever the outcome. One week is enough time to not appear desperate but to still seem interested. Nice.
So I texted TG asking whether he wanted to meet up again. An hour passed, and I started brainstorming gracious replies to what would likely be a "thanks but no thanks" response. Then, a half hour later I got an enthusiastic reply: he would love to meet again but is really busy through Monday. He'd contact me at the beginning of next week--Monday! And then he sent a pic …
He wasn't wearing a shirt. Nice! Even nicer, he took it at an angle that made him appear … well, larger than he is. And I like that because 1) he wasn't posing all beefcake like and 2) it makes him human. I responded very casually with a "Sounds good!" and then a pic of my own: me in my office, wearing glasses, looking (I hope) like a sly, sexy librarian. It was supposed to be funny, but he doesn't know me, so who knows if it translates.
But the pressure is off. He'll contact me Monday and we'll have our second date. Who knows?
I contacted Mr. Bartender, who has no car and now, as it happens, no job (UGH), on Thursday--again, for that required second date. Because of his job/car situation, I feel like I've accidentally fallen into the role of instigator, which I really don't want to do. I suggested we go to a local brewery … but then, realizing that I had taken the lead, backed off. Mr. B asked if he could call me that night and I said sure, thought I would be out with a friend.
The whole thing irritated me--just call, don't ask! I feel like I keep making excuses--though I was relieved to have them.
Part of it is I don't know Mr. B well. He's virtually ungoogleable, whereas TG's family business is prominent. I feel far more cautious with Mr. B.
Well, we have a date this afternoon at a billiards club. At least it'll be in the A/C. He wanted to meet this evening, but I said I had plans. I don't. I just don't want to be out with this guy at night just yet.
Obviously, I'm not attracted to Mr. B much, so why I am I doing this? To keep my options open. To keep from obsessing about TG. To learn to be open to men and to learn from them.
It's a tall order for me. I hope the exercise is worth it.
But Mr. B? You need to start stepping up with making plans. And note to self: no more taking the lead!
Saturday, June 29, 2013
Saturday, June 22, 2013
Mr. Bartender
I haven't heard from TallGuy since Wednesday. I'm a bit bummed about that, but taking it in stride. Per the Four Man Plan (4MP), I am cultivating my other quarters--all one of them. (I had another who turned out to be a weirdo, so he's off the plan.) Why not contact TallGuy now myself? Well, the idea of the 4MP isn't so much a Rules-based You Must Be Pursued thing as it teaches those of us who suck at dating how to not obsess about one dude. As such, I won't contact TallGuy (unless I hear from him) for another week and a half few days. That's right: the Plan stipulates that if the guy doesn't call you for a second date, you must call him at two weeks one week (ed note: I had that wrong, thank god!)--even if you don't want to go out with him. (Unless you get a seriously icky vibe from him, of course.) The idea again is to help you be light and free, non-obsessive--all that good stuff.
The old Ruby would be obsessed with TallGuy right now. And the truth is, I've had some trouble keeping my balance. But thanks to 4MP, I went out with my quarter, Mr. Bartender, for lunch today and actually had a really nice time. I was relaxed and felt no pressure and easily told him about where I am currently in the dating world: getting to know a lot of different people. (The 4MP calls this halving a man.) He was totally cool with it, and even asked me out next weekend.
So I hope TallGuy contacts me again, if only so I can show how cool and calm I can be--and so I can halve him.
But if not, so be it. I'll reach out to him the first week in July, and if that doesn't pan out, there are more fish in the sea. Hopefully tall ones. ;)
It's Pride week in N____ right now, and I'm going to an LGBTQ dance tonight with my friend and her partner. Hoping there will be some fun, straight guys I can get to know there!
The old Ruby would be obsessed with TallGuy right now. And the truth is, I've had some trouble keeping my balance. But thanks to 4MP, I went out with my quarter, Mr. Bartender, for lunch today and actually had a really nice time. I was relaxed and felt no pressure and easily told him about where I am currently in the dating world: getting to know a lot of different people. (The 4MP calls this halving a man.) He was totally cool with it, and even asked me out next weekend.
So I hope TallGuy contacts me again, if only so I can show how cool and calm I can be--and so I can halve him.
But if not, so be it. I'll reach out to him the first week in July, and if that doesn't pan out, there are more fish in the sea. Hopefully tall ones. ;)
It's Pride week in N____ right now, and I'm going to an LGBTQ dance tonight with my friend and her partner. Hoping there will be some fun, straight guys I can get to know there!
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Keep Your Cool
*fans self*
I'm just home form my first date with TG. We met for a drink at a new restaurant in town. I was so freakin' nervous I could hardly focus at work today. (I know, what am I, 16? But I didn't date at 16, so this could be part of the problem.)
I was excited/nervous to meet him because: he's tall, cute and local--but not local in a douchey way. See, here's an insider's tip about the NV: the NV attracts a lot of young guys who love the wine world with their whole ego. They love the lifestyle, they dream of wealth and fame, they love the wide-eyed women who are attracted to them because of the lifestyle and their closeness to wealth and fame … Yes, the NV is a hotbed of douchery.
But TG has lived here his whole life. He loves the outdoors. He feels bad about the guy who bought his house at the height of the housing market. He is not a douche--there's no pretense. He even drives a clunker because he and his brothers are working to rebuild the family business.
So on to the date itself: I think we were both nervous. So nervous that hopefully he doesn't remember anything stupid I may have said. Mainly I just remember those green eyes and bright smile. He reiterated what his profile said: that he's looking for a tall girl who lives here in the valley. TG is definitely values family and is looking for a partner--no one night stand guy here.
And the hug at the end (date kept to a wise one hour). You guys, this was the best hug I've ever experienced. For one thing, I was hugging a man far taller than me. (Remember, I'm 5'11"--he's over 6'6". I wore 3" heels.) For another, he squeezed me just perfectly--you know the kind of hug. I'm sure everyone around us were like, "Wow, look at that tall couple hugging." I don't care. It was awesome.
At our cars, he said he would love to take me to dinner sometime and asked me for my number. About 15 minutes after I got home, he texted to say again that it was good to meet me and that he would love to take me out for dinner soon. And, he said, I am even more beautiful in person. (This is lovely to hear--especially since I'm feeling particularly fat at the moment.)
I haven't texted back yet--I'm trying to play it coolish--but I will in a few moments. (screw "The Rules") I think I tend to be a bit stand-offish so I think that wherever I can be "confidently warm" (as opposed to needy or some awful thing), it can't hurt. So I'll same something along the lines of definitely wanting to go out again and that that was the best hug ever. (Not weird, not needy--definitely encouraging, complimentary and a little flirty.)
Anyway, whew. After a lifetime of going on crappy first dates, it's nice to have one I'm excited about. Now the trick will be to keep my cool. I have the date with Mr. B Saturday and there's another guy from Oakland who wants to meet me. Between those guys, work and friends, there's plenty to keep me occupied.
I'm just home form my first date with TG. We met for a drink at a new restaurant in town. I was so freakin' nervous I could hardly focus at work today. (I know, what am I, 16? But I didn't date at 16, so this could be part of the problem.)
I was excited/nervous to meet him because: he's tall, cute and local--but not local in a douchey way. See, here's an insider's tip about the NV: the NV attracts a lot of young guys who love the wine world with their whole ego. They love the lifestyle, they dream of wealth and fame, they love the wide-eyed women who are attracted to them because of the lifestyle and their closeness to wealth and fame … Yes, the NV is a hotbed of douchery.
But TG has lived here his whole life. He loves the outdoors. He feels bad about the guy who bought his house at the height of the housing market. He is not a douche--there's no pretense. He even drives a clunker because he and his brothers are working to rebuild the family business.
So on to the date itself: I think we were both nervous. So nervous that hopefully he doesn't remember anything stupid I may have said. Mainly I just remember those green eyes and bright smile. He reiterated what his profile said: that he's looking for a tall girl who lives here in the valley. TG is definitely values family and is looking for a partner--no one night stand guy here.
And the hug at the end (date kept to a wise one hour). You guys, this was the best hug I've ever experienced. For one thing, I was hugging a man far taller than me. (Remember, I'm 5'11"--he's over 6'6". I wore 3" heels.) For another, he squeezed me just perfectly--you know the kind of hug. I'm sure everyone around us were like, "Wow, look at that tall couple hugging." I don't care. It was awesome.
At our cars, he said he would love to take me to dinner sometime and asked me for my number. About 15 minutes after I got home, he texted to say again that it was good to meet me and that he would love to take me out for dinner soon. And, he said, I am even more beautiful in person. (This is lovely to hear--especially since I'm feeling particularly fat at the moment.)
I haven't texted back yet--I'm trying to play it coolish--but I will in a few moments. (screw "The Rules") I think I tend to be a bit stand-offish so I think that wherever I can be "confidently warm" (as opposed to needy or some awful thing), it can't hurt. So I'll same something along the lines of definitely wanting to go out again and that that was the best hug ever. (Not weird, not needy--definitely encouraging, complimentary and a little flirty.)
Anyway, whew. After a lifetime of going on crappy first dates, it's nice to have one I'm excited about. Now the trick will be to keep my cool. I have the date with Mr. B Saturday and there's another guy from Oakland who wants to meet me. Between those guys, work and friends, there's plenty to keep me occupied.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
Adventures in Dating
So far, my endeavor to date as many fabulous men as possible is going … slowly. Part of it is the cold, hard facts: I'm over 35. I'm 5'11". I'm not the fun, party girl that a good portion of the male population seems to be looking for. (Sorry guys, shoulda caught me 5 years ago.)
Right now I'm communicating with two guys. The first is Mr. Bartender. Mr. B works at a local restaurant that I predict will fold in 3 months. Last week I popped in right after work for a drink. I completely surprised him, and though I wasn't attracted to him, I was nervous and dorky. (At least that's my evaluation of events.) No matter: Mr. B has been very encouraging in his short messages to me. He invited me to lunch, and I suggested we meet in Y____ville, since that is closer to where I work. Well, guess what? He doesn't have a car.
Jesus.
Now, not having a car in San Francisco or Chicago or New York City is no big deal, but it's downright weird way out here in the country. My alarm bells are going off wildly because, if you remember, ex-fiance Mac was horrible with finances.
I'm meeting Mr. B for lunch here in N____ on Saturday. Why? Because I need to practice being my authentic self. I need practice dating, for Pete's sake. I think Mr. B is looking for a hookup and will drop me when he figures out that that's not my interest here.
But here's the one I'm interested in.
TallGuy is freakin' tall. Over 6'6" (I don't want to specify because of almighty Google). I've never gone out with a guy over 6'2"! TG wrote to me after I severely shortened my profile. I'd read in several places that we ladies need to keep our dating profiles short, light and sweet--that by including too many details we could unwittingly (1) appear cray-cray or (2) put up unintentional barriers. What the hell, thought I, highlighting my carefully crafted and often tweaked profile and deleting it with the press of a key.
My new profile says basically that I'm a chica living in the NV who likes to this, that and the other thing and I'm looking for a guy who can beat me at Scrabble. And then I parenthetically assure the reader that I'm joking. (A nice touch, I thought--a slight show of my nerdish hand and humor at the same time.)
Anyway, TG wrote me. And he was (is?) so complimentary and interested to meet me. I tried to play it cool--but not too cool. I showed interest (I hope) but not too much. In the past, I've made the mistake of sending these long emails. WHY? So I'm keeping them short and light and carefree. I don't even answer all the questions dudes send my way. Why should I? And if I do, what's left for the first date?
But I digress. I cannot wait to meet TG tomorrow. And, eff it, I'm wearing heels. Four-inchers. And even then, I'll be way shorter than him. I figure, who knows if I'll have this chance again? Girl, I'm taking it.
I'm also excited about meeting him because he's totally local to the NV--was raised here, even. His family owns a business and is prominent enough to Google to make sure he's a safe person to meet.
I need to remember several things:
1. I'm not ready for a full-blown relationship so easy does it
2. I really just know that this guy is tall, local and has two kiddos--no sense getting carried away. He could be as dumb as a sack of rocks.
3. Stay cool--keep the date breezy and 1.5 hours tops
I need to gather some other great guys to meet so I don't get too interested in this guy. But who knows? When we meet tomorrow I might be not at all attracted to him, despite his awesome, incredible, oh-so-sexy height.
We'll see.
Right now I'm communicating with two guys. The first is Mr. Bartender. Mr. B works at a local restaurant that I predict will fold in 3 months. Last week I popped in right after work for a drink. I completely surprised him, and though I wasn't attracted to him, I was nervous and dorky. (At least that's my evaluation of events.) No matter: Mr. B has been very encouraging in his short messages to me. He invited me to lunch, and I suggested we meet in Y____ville, since that is closer to where I work. Well, guess what? He doesn't have a car.
Jesus.
Now, not having a car in San Francisco or Chicago or New York City is no big deal, but it's downright weird way out here in the country. My alarm bells are going off wildly because, if you remember, ex-fiance Mac was horrible with finances.
I'm meeting Mr. B for lunch here in N____ on Saturday. Why? Because I need to practice being my authentic self. I need practice dating, for Pete's sake. I think Mr. B is looking for a hookup and will drop me when he figures out that that's not my interest here.
But here's the one I'm interested in.
TallGuy is freakin' tall. Over 6'6" (I don't want to specify because of almighty Google). I've never gone out with a guy over 6'2"! TG wrote to me after I severely shortened my profile. I'd read in several places that we ladies need to keep our dating profiles short, light and sweet--that by including too many details we could unwittingly (1) appear cray-cray or (2) put up unintentional barriers. What the hell, thought I, highlighting my carefully crafted and often tweaked profile and deleting it with the press of a key.
My new profile says basically that I'm a chica living in the NV who likes to this, that and the other thing and I'm looking for a guy who can beat me at Scrabble. And then I parenthetically assure the reader that I'm joking. (A nice touch, I thought--a slight show of my nerdish hand and humor at the same time.)
Anyway, TG wrote me. And he was (is?) so complimentary and interested to meet me. I tried to play it cool--but not too cool. I showed interest (I hope) but not too much. In the past, I've made the mistake of sending these long emails. WHY? So I'm keeping them short and light and carefree. I don't even answer all the questions dudes send my way. Why should I? And if I do, what's left for the first date?
But I digress. I cannot wait to meet TG tomorrow. And, eff it, I'm wearing heels. Four-inchers. And even then, I'll be way shorter than him. I figure, who knows if I'll have this chance again? Girl, I'm taking it.
I'm also excited about meeting him because he's totally local to the NV--was raised here, even. His family owns a business and is prominent enough to Google to make sure he's a safe person to meet.
I need to remember several things:
1. I'm not ready for a full-blown relationship so easy does it
2. I really just know that this guy is tall, local and has two kiddos--no sense getting carried away. He could be as dumb as a sack of rocks.
3. Stay cool--keep the date breezy and 1.5 hours tops
I need to gather some other great guys to meet so I don't get too interested in this guy. But who knows? When we meet tomorrow I might be not at all attracted to him, despite his awesome, incredible, oh-so-sexy height.
We'll see.
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