There are a few things that none of us wants to admit we're bad at--driving and sex are two biggies. On a walk this afternoon a realization hit me with a sickening thud: I am a terrible dater. And not just terrible, I'm a boring dater. Oh, god, what could be worse? I guess not realizing it would be worse.
Somehow I--moderately successful, attractive and intelligent--have gotten myself well into adulthood without understanding what it is to date--and date well. My typical MO is to find a guy I like, go out with him a few times (usually as few as 2 - 3 times) where we become exclusive and sleep together and then after a few months (3 is typical), I realize he's not the guy for me. I don't date around, which means there's a lot of pressure on me and this one guy to make something of the situation--either sex or exclusivity (usually both).
This is a recipe for disaster. More than that, it kills the enjoyment of getting to know someone--several someones--and making the best selection. (The whole sperm and egg scenario comes to mind. Natural selection exists for a reason!)
Why not create an environment where men can show me their best selves? Where I own my sexuality and share it when and with whom I choose? (instead of, oh the shame, having sex out of imagined obligation)
My excuse for focusing on one guy and one guy only in the past has been the area I live in. NV is tiny, true, but there's the East Bay to consider and Sonoma. And is San Francisco so very far?
I also haven't liked the idea of dating more than one guy at once. It seemed stressful and confusing, but I suspect now that the opposite is true.
So this is my new plan: to connect with as many guys as possible online and in everyday life and see what happens. I'm employing a close variation of the Four Man Plan--and so far, I've got only two quarter men, with nudges out to a few more on Match. Tonight I'll cultivate a few more.
Can this be done in the NV? Can this be done at thirty-{mumble}? We'll see.
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