Will It Lead to Disaster?

The names have shuffled around a bit, but I still have five guys in rotation. And, triumph of triumph: I picked up a guy in real life tonight! (Or, rather, he asked me out--I didn't hit on him or anything.)

"Drew" predicted in my previous post that this will end in disaster. It's possible, but I'm fully prepared for this possibility. Really, what could be more disastrous that my love life to date? Years of honing in on one guy, only to either (a) discover he wasn't into me or (b) break his heart ruthlessly. All of these previous relationships (of which there have been way too many) would have benefitted from slowing down, and that's what The Four Man Plan (4MP) affords me.

Heli and Realtor are still in play, and I'm seeing both this week. I still feel like they contact me too much. Why does this bother me so much? I've thought about it, and I think their constant attention reminds me too much of my ex, Mac, who had no life outside of me. That just scares me. I don't want to be anyone's Everything--at the same time, I recognize that if you meet someone cool, you're entitled to be excited about him/her. (And from my conversations with Heli and Realtor, they're not really seeing anyone else at the moment.)

Android is new to the plan. We're meeting Thursday. We've emailed a bit and he seems nice, smart and whatnot, but you really can't tell until you meet someone, can you?

This afternoon, at a BBQ, I met Wino. (So named because of the industry he works in, not because of drunkeness.) Before 4MP, I wouldn't have given him much thought. He's not attractive in the standard sense. And, on a superficial level, I'm a "hand girl"--I love manly hands on a guy. Wino has smaller hands--the hands of a surgeon, in the best light. But he is intelligent and a good conversationalist, and enjoys food and wine like I do. And, for Pete's sake, he asked me out. Note to the very few men reading this: ask a girl out. Chivalry ain't dead, yo. I'm looking forward to getting to know him.

So Thursday was The Sailor Date. Quick recap: I'd been looking forward to meeting Sailor through the month of July. We'd started communicating right as he was shipping off for the month. Through the month, we emailed and texted (occasionally). He wrote the best emails; I tried not to get carried away.

On Thursday, I drove over to his house--not something I would have done if I hadn't met him through mutual friends 10 years ago--and off we went on our evening: sushi, then darts and billiards. We laughed the whole time. In fact, a friend of mine who was sitting on the other side of the sushi bar (and who I didn't see at all) texted me later to say, "Give me your mom's number. I'll tell her you're not gay! Ruby, I've never seen you so into someone!" (See, there was a bit of a misunderstanding with my mom …)

I won't give you a play-by-play, but high points were: definite chemistry and some nice physical contact (no kissing--that's not necessarily on the table for me for a first date--more on this in another post). We both sucked at darts and billiards--to our great amusement. And after it all, I was sad. Sad to the ends of my toes. It carried into Friday, and I only felt better Saturday morning after a good night's sleep.

Why was I sad? Because it seems like almost ever time I have a good first date (or what I think is a good date), that ends up being the end of it. And because that kind of connection with a person reminds me how alone I am. I don't notice it in my day-to-day life. I'm a bit of a recluse, enjoying my reading and writing and bumbling around my condo on my own quite fine. But there's nothing like truly connecting with someone to make one think, "Oh, right. I'm missing out on something vital."

On Friday I sent Sailor a text (per 4MP) to thank him for the fun evening. And he responded saying he had fun, too, and that we both clearly needed practice at billiards and darts. That was that, and I thought to myself, "Self? I bet he's reading some manual for Man Dating. I bet I don't hear from him until Sunday evening." (Sailor is fairly recently divorced and has two kiddos. He's literally been off the market since age 23 or so. He has no clue about dating.)

Well, it's Sunday evening, and what do I get? A text from Sailor, which makes me very happy, of course. He wanted to get together for something quick and easy this week (minds out of the gutter: a walk!). But I literally have every night filled this week: gym, date, girl friend date, date, date. (Kill me now.) So we're getting together Saturday evening. Of course, I think it definitely doesn't hurt to put off a guy a little … never mind that I could happily jump him this second.

By the way, Sailor is two inches shorter than me. And two years younger than me. I don't care a bit. ;)

If I'm so into Sailor, why am I dating these other dudes? Because there are some key things I don't know about Sailor yet. Can I really handle his work schedule? (in port one month, out the next) Can I handle his fatherhood? (admirable, but do I really understand what it means?) Are we at the same maturity level? All these things will take some time to discover. And who knows, one of these other men could be the Dark Horse.

Or maybe it will end in disaster. Stay tuned. ;)

The Man Corral

This Four Man Plan (4MP) is working perfectly. Right now I have five men (count 'em) in rotation. This is definitely a first for me--and it's purely for lack of trying earlier.

Some key points:
- None of these men have swept me off my feet
- I've made it clear to three of them that I'm seeing other men (TallGuy and Sailor being the exceptions); interesting that the ones who know I'm dating others are the most attentive!
- There is no stress here whatsoever - a surprise to me, who always thought that dating multiples would be stressful. Not so.

You may be wondering why I'm seeing these men if I'm not crazy about them. My thought is, why not? 4MP is a bootcamp for those of us who suck at dating--and I'll admit it: I suck at dating. I have broken hearts and have had my heart broken for years, pouring myself (hopes, dreams) into a single man who, if I'm honest with myself, I really just wanted to make out with (or sleep with). Far better to get it on than to imagine I'm in love--and imagine that he's a person entirely different than he is.

Dating these five guys (and I'm seeking more candidates--am I crazy?) is a great way to observe the male creature. It's a great way to get in touch with myself and to understand (learn) what I need in a relationship. Plus, these men (for the most part) are really stepping up to the plate. I've never been romanced before! (Could it have been that I set the threshold for sex far too low?) I cannot recommend 4MP enough.

So here's who I've got:

TallGuy - Hunky, but not in the game--he canceled our second date and hasn't rescheduled. He's off the graph in a couple of days, if I don't hear from him. (And, yes, I did pursue a second date with him--but according to The Plan, it's not for me to bug him any more. And actually, I don't mind--plenty of other men to do. I mean see. ;) ) I didn't let him know I'm seeing other men on the first date--a mistake, I think, and one that I have not repeated on dates with other men.

Mr. No-Car Bartender - I wish this guy would disappear! But fortunately, he has gone back to his evening bar tending job and I'm going out of town for a bit. I'll see him in two weeks, at the soonest.

Sailor - Our first date is August 1, and in the meantime, great emails and texts flit back and forth. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much about this one, because as we all know, great email does not equal great chemistry in person.

Heli - We had our first date on Tuesday. I could tell by his face that he was surprised I'm so tall (didn't he read my very brief profile?). I thought we were just meeting for a drink, but he earned major points by making dinner reservations. Love it when a man takes initiative! (so rare, in my world) We have a second date this afternoon--and again he took initiative in choosing the restaurant and making reservations.

Realtor - I met Realtor on Wednesday. Yes, two first dates in a row. I don't recommend it. He drove all the way in from Oakland, too--very nice, but I don't like that it means we have to invest a chunk of time each time we see each other. Dating local is great because you can just pop out for a drink--given an hour's drive, you feel like you have to invest more time. Anyway, Realtor is smart, funny, masculine. Where I'm the reserved Northern Euro type (thanks to my upbringing, more than my actual heritage), he's boisterous and bigger than life. I'm not sure I could deal with that over the long haul. BUT, what I loved was that he was SO appreciative of my looks. "If I'd known you were so fine, I'd have driven up on Monday!"

Heli and Realtor are big on calling, and I'm not so much a phone person, though I realize it's important. Heli also texts WAY too much. Every day? We've just gone out once, buddy. I half wish I hadn't made plans with him this afternoon, but he's headed out of town soon (as am I), and the second date is more important than the first one, I believe. First dates are almost always a bundle of nerves and people are hardly ever representative of who they are.

Anyway, I'm having fun. I'm keeping an eye out for love, of course, but right now it's more about just meeting guys and appreciating them as they are with no expectations. Not a bad way to go.

Keep Your Cool

*fans self*

I'm just home form my first date with TG. We met for a drink at a new restaurant in town. I was so freakin' nervous I could hardly focus at work today. (I know, what am I, 16? But I didn't date at 16, so this could be part of the problem.)

I was excited/nervous to meet him because: he's tall, cute and local--but not local in a douchey way. See, here's an insider's tip about the NV: the NV attracts a lot of young guys who love the wine world with their whole ego. They love the lifestyle, they dream of wealth and fame, they love the wide-eyed women who are attracted to them because of the lifestyle and their closeness to wealth and fame … Yes, the NV is a hotbed of douchery.

But TG has lived here his whole life. He loves the outdoors. He feels bad about the guy who bought his house at the height of the housing market. He is not a douche--there's no pretense. He even drives a clunker because he and his brothers are working to rebuild the family business.

So on to the date itself: I think we were both nervous. So nervous that hopefully he doesn't remember anything stupid I may have said. Mainly I just remember those green eyes and bright smile. He reiterated what his profile said: that he's looking for a tall girl who lives here in the valley. TG is definitely values family and is looking for a partner--no one night stand guy here.

And the hug at the end (date kept to a wise one hour). You guys, this was the best hug I've ever experienced. For one thing, I was hugging a man far taller than me. (Remember, I'm 5'11"--he's over 6'6". I wore 3" heels.) For another, he squeezed me just perfectly--you know the kind of hug. I'm sure everyone around us were like, "Wow, look at that tall couple hugging." I don't care. It was awesome.

At our cars, he said he would love to take me to dinner sometime and asked me for my number. About 15 minutes after I got home, he texted to say again that it was good to meet me and that he would love to take me out for dinner soon. And, he said, I am even more beautiful in person. (This is lovely to hear--especially since I'm feeling particularly fat at the moment.)

I haven't texted back yet--I'm trying to play it coolish--but I will in a few moments. (screw "The Rules")  I think I tend to be a bit stand-offish so I think that wherever I can be "confidently warm" (as opposed to needy or some awful thing), it can't hurt. So I'll same something along the lines of definitely wanting to go out again and that that was the best hug ever. (Not weird, not needy--definitely encouraging, complimentary and a little flirty.)

Anyway, whew. After a lifetime of going on crappy first dates, it's nice to have one I'm excited about. Now the trick will be to keep my cool. I have the date with Mr. B Saturday and there's another guy from Oakland who wants to meet me. Between those guys, work and friends, there's plenty to keep me occupied.

Adventures in Dating

So far, my endeavor to date as many fabulous men as possible is going … slowly. Part of it is the cold, hard facts: I'm over 35. I'm 5'11". I'm not the fun, party girl that a good portion of the male population seems to be looking for. (Sorry guys, shoulda caught me 5 years ago.)

Right now I'm communicating with two guys. The first is Mr. Bartender. Mr. B works at a local restaurant that I predict will fold in 3 months. Last week I popped in right after work for a drink. I completely surprised him, and though I wasn't attracted to him, I was nervous and dorky. (At least that's my evaluation of events.) No matter: Mr. B has been very encouraging in his short messages to me. He invited me to lunch, and I suggested we meet in Y____ville, since that is closer to where I work. Well, guess what? He doesn't have a car.

Jesus.

Now, not having a car in San Francisco or Chicago or New York City is no big deal, but it's downright weird way out here in the country. My alarm bells are going off wildly because, if you remember, ex-fiance Mac was horrible with finances.

I'm meeting Mr. B for lunch here in N____ on Saturday. Why? Because I need to practice being my authentic self. I need practice dating, for Pete's sake. I think Mr. B is looking for a hookup and will drop me when he figures out that that's not my interest here.

But here's the one I'm interested in.

TallGuy is freakin' tall. Over 6'6" (I don't want to specify because of almighty Google). I've never gone out with a guy over 6'2"! TG wrote to me after I severely shortened my profile. I'd read in several places that we ladies need to keep our dating profiles short, light and sweet--that by including too many details we could unwittingly (1) appear cray-cray or (2) put up unintentional barriers. What the hell, thought I, highlighting my carefully crafted and often tweaked profile and deleting it with the press of a key.

My new profile says basically that I'm a chica living in the NV who likes to this, that and the other thing and I'm looking for a guy who can beat me at Scrabble. And then I parenthetically assure the reader that I'm joking. (A nice touch, I thought--a slight show of my nerdish hand and humor at the same time.)

Anyway, TG wrote me. And he was (is?) so complimentary and interested to meet me. I tried to play it cool--but not too cool. I showed interest (I hope) but not too much. In the past, I've made the mistake of sending these long emails. WHY? So I'm keeping them short and light and carefree. I don't even answer all the questions dudes send my way. Why should I? And if I do, what's left for the first date?

But I digress. I cannot wait to meet TG tomorrow. And, eff it, I'm wearing heels. Four-inchers. And even then, I'll be way shorter than him. I figure, who knows if I'll have this chance again? Girl, I'm taking it.

I'm also excited about meeting him because he's totally local to the NV--was raised here, even. His family owns a business and is prominent enough to Google to make sure he's a safe person to meet.

I need to remember several things:
1. I'm not ready for a full-blown relationship so easy does it
2. I really just know that this guy is tall, local and has two kiddos--no sense getting carried away. He could be as dumb as a sack of rocks.
3. Stay cool--keep the date breezy and 1.5 hours tops

I need to gather some other great guys to meet so I don't get too interested in this guy. But who knows? When we meet tomorrow I might be not at all attracted to him, despite his awesome, incredible, oh-so-sexy height.

We'll see.

Shenanigan

So somehow I've skated through the online dating world without running into any egregious lies. That's right, none of my dates posted pictures from years ago or said they were seven years younger than they actually were .... until now. And I'm not sure what to do about it, me being too kind and all.

I met "J" Friday night for drinks. Fortunately he recognized me because I didn't recognize him, though he did look vaguely like his photographs. At first I thought that he'd just cut his hair, which had been quite long. Good riddance; I'm not into long locks on a guy. And then as we talked I looked at his face and hands and began to doubt that he was 44, as his profile states. His hair was also suspiciously sans grey. (Hey, tons of people my age have grey--not a grey hair at 44 seems unlikely.)

I decided to focus on the conversation and didn't think about it much. We ended up getting some inexpensive sushi. He wanted to go for dessert, but I demurred and suggested we get together this coming week. Honestly, I didn't think he would invite me out again and that, following the Four Man Plan rules, I would have to invite him on a second date. (Yes, you read that right--I'll save the reasoning for another post.)

When I got home I had a short message from him saying that he had a great time, even though I was too tall and too smart for him. Yes, his 5' 10" was highly suspect--I have yet to meet a man whose profile says 5'10" who is actually 5'10" (same goes for 6'). Illusions of grandeur, I suspect, and not true maliciousness. Perhaps they don't believe me when I say I'm 5'11"? Ho boy, I am very much 5'11".

Anyway, I wrote back something light and friendly to let him know the height thing wasn't an issue. He wanted to get together today, Sunday, and I just wanted a day to myself so again suggested sometime later this week.

It occurred to me just a moment ago to pop over to www.peoplefinders.com. There are very few people by his name the country over, and only one in N____. He's 51.

I don't wish to be cruel or stalkery (people my age assume internet searches; I'm not sure J does--he basically said he wasn't into technology) but I want him to know that I detect an age difference that is beyond my scope of acceptance. He's just a few years shy of my mom's age, for Pete's sake! Any tips for breaking the news? Maybe just saying the bit about detecting an age difference is enough? Or should I point out the website and ask him if its accurate?

He did mention growing up in New York and appreciating the forthrightness there (as opposed to the much more laid back California). Perhaps I should just remind him of that and tell him the fast discrepancy in profile age to actual age is a dealbreaker for me.

Have any of you dealt with this sort of shenanigan? What did you do?

Life, Lately

Oh, I have a pretty clear picture of my faults: slightly puritanical about sex (in some regards anyway), out of whack when it comes to men, clueless about the simplest of relationships. But I don't feel hopeless about it. What can I do but laugh and keep learning, right?

I'm reading Julia Child's "My Life in France" right now and I love that she just up and says that she was still figuring things out at the ripe, old age of 37. I'm still in my first half (barely) of my 30s, but I'm still figuring things out. I am leaps behind most of you, I'm sure, but it sure is fun to learn. (Agonizing, sometimes, too.) Bear with me. (Or don't--that's the great thing about blogs; you don't have to read them.)

Things are great on the man front. Great because I am having fun, goddammit, not because I have any dates lined up. Right now I am enjoying meeting men and flirting and not worrying about followthrough.

Note to any man who might be reading this: salsa is a great opportunity to meet women. I'm talking dance, not sauce. Saturday night I found myself at a downtown N____ location, leaning against a bar while my friend, Amanda, danced an expert salsa. I didn't think anyone would actually ask me to dance, what with my height and what with these modern tendencies towards male hesitance. Well, I rested my elbows against the polished walnut not two minutes before this handsome Latino man walked up and asked me to dance. I said I didn't salsa, but he didn't care.

Meanwhile, there was a bank of Caucasian men drinking beer and watching and missing out on the action. My dance partner, Roberto, and I had a lot of fun, never mind that he spoke two works of English and I didn't dance salsa. So, men, if you don't dance, I suggest you pick it up. We ladies love a man who can dance!

New topic: How many hints should a woman drop before she gives up? I'm talking about C. We ran into each other at a restaurant last week and the delight in seeing each other was obvious, and I emailed him after asking him how he liked the place. He wrote back but ... I have suggested places in downtown N___, have mentioned the restaurants and drinks I like all to no avail. I sense interest, but again--no followthrough. (Maybe it's the Height Factor??)

Do I want to be with a man so hesitant? No. So my very own suggestion to myself is: drop it.

Very good. Will do.

On another note, I went to a trivia night at a bar up-valley last night and it became crystal clear to me that my friend (I use the term loosely) had talked me up to the dear, extremely nerdy guy keeping score. (Another friend, when describing the scorekeeper to me said, "Well, he's definitely not 007 ..." Ladies, there's got to be a whisper of sexiness--at least!--in a prospective interest, right??) So all night long, Scorekeeper kept on catching my eye and giving me The Eye, no less. Awkward! If my "friend" had left well enough along Scorekeeper and I might have become friends and something might (ugh, can't imagine) have happened. But nothing can happen now, what with all that hope swimming in his eyes.

I left right after the game, apologizing to my friend-friend for having slept so badly the night before and being so tired. Scorekeeper was disappointed. Tough. Not interested.

So, yes, this is life: the men I am not attracted to stand there waiting for me to bestow favor upon them while the others are like vapor (truly, because I can't think of anyone I'm attracted to at this moment).

Ah, life. I don't mind it. (smile)

Near Misses

Well, Trouble (of the previous entry) has a long-term girlfriend. She's super cool and lovely and around her, he was studiously not flirty--just friendly. Trouble, you need to dial back the flirt when your cool, lovely girlfriend isn't around! To be fair, he hasn't been inappropriate but his flirtatiousness didn't lead me to believe he had a girlfriend. Anyhoo, now I know.

The paired and married men at work think it's a mystery that I'm single. In their eyes I see a glint of, "I'd date her if I weren't with my wonderful wife/girlfriend." But would they? No, I don't think so. They, in their married/coupledness just feel secure.

Last night's party at the winery was first class. I wish I could tell you about it ... But since I can't, I will tell you about C. C does contract work for us, and nearly from the beginning I've sensed strong mutual attraction--never mind that he's a good deal shorter than me. (Jeez. Why does this happen?) I didn't expect C to be at the party, but there he was, and I was thrilled to see him. We didn't really have a chance to talk until the after party, when we grabbed drinks and shouted at each other over the thumping bass.

And here I confess that I have resigned myself to a Type: the sensitive, somewhat shy guy. I suppose, too, that these kinds of men like me, because I can be so vibrant and exciting around them (whereas guys who are the center of attention steal the show and there's no reason for me to reveal my fabulousness).

So, that's C: somewhat shy, sensitive, artistic, short. We were standing there, talking (shouting) and before I knew it, we were talking about our ages (he's four years younger), dating and marriage. To be clear, marriage came up in terms of parental pressures ... still. There was a lot of arm touching going on throughout. He ended up having to leave long before he wanted to.

Here's the thing: C doesn't strike me as a particularly motivated guy, and I want a motivated guy. Am I being too picky? Hey, I have nothing against shorter men, at least.

After C left, another guy (who I had been working with all evening) asked me if I was into Burning Man. Um, no. I could see the words, "Would you like to go out sometime?" forming on his lips, but I didn't encourage him, so he didn't ask.

A Confession and a Vibe

Oh God. Oh head hung in shame. I have not been keeping up with my cheerful, optimistic, new exercise regime.

My excuse? The winery I work for is having a huge, fabulous, world-class event soon. There is only time to eat, sleep and recuperate. Hence, I have not seen Hunky Neighbor. So, yes, sorry. No exciting news on that front.

In addition to confessing the above, however, I wanted to remark on an interesting phenomenon. This afternoon I happened to be hanging with some guys at work--well, really, one guy in particular, with other guys hanging about. I was wearing a flattering skirt and top (perfect for this very hot day), so that could be it. I definitely got The Vibe from this guy--and actually, I've been getting The Vibe for weeks. Even though he is a good bit shorter than me.

Oh, but he's confident and Trouble. I can just tell. This is a man who knows his way around women. Danger, danger. I've dated these types and know this is a No Go. Still, that pull of attraction is so irresistible!

Or maybe it's just resistible enough to carry a fun flirtation throughout the course of my employment at the winery. Hmmm. That could be fun, too.

This event at the winery will have dancing and much (much) wine. I anticipate some frivolity ... Stay tuned. I hope I won't disappoint. ;) (All within professional reason, of course.)

Catty

I have been getting out. Perhaps not as much as you city girls, but I've been doing my best to get out and about these last couple weeks. (I didn't mean to let so much time lapse since my last post!) In fact, I've actually flirted my way through a couple of gifted drinks and a dessert! (Yes, no big deal, but with my great height and shy nature, I haven't exactly been inviting men to lavish me with treats.) So that's the latest--nothing huge.

Today, however, I ran into TOTGA's girlfriend! (Or ex-girlfriend? I don't know.) She didn't recognize me, I don't think, and I barely recognized her. When I realized who she was I, like a woman obsessed, actually turned around and watched her leave the store! The thing is, she was so skinny. She was slim before, but here she was, with her knobby elbows jutting from her spindly arms! It only made her wattle* that much more prominent! I confess, I gloated.

About 15 minutes into the gloat I realized that she may have some sort of serious, physical ailment and immediately felt badly and reeled in the gloat.

But still: she was in a store at noon on Father's day with a friend and her friend's child. She wasn't with TOTGA. Whereas I never met TOTGA's daughter, this woman wormed her way in immediately. It would stand to reason that a year-plus hence, she would be enjoying something Father's Day-ish with the whole fam.

Oh, none of this matters. It's not like TOTGA and I are going to meet again and have a good laugh over everything and fall into each other's arms while the violins swell ...

In other news, a friend of mine is hem-hawing over a guy who drives me nuts. She isn't sure she's attracted to him, she says, but he's sooo nice and attentive and all those things we ladies want. Well, I met him and I'm not sure why my friend is hemming and hawing: the guy isn't stable. I can't exactly say what the issue is, but something is seriously off. Since meeting him, I've gently suggested ways she could give him the kiss-off. And, finally, Friday night, after a couple of cocktails, I said something absolutely blunt--which I don't remember now, but which made another girlfriend laugh in agreement. Yikes. I just hope I haven't offended.

Men are so rare here in the NV--a girl kinda hates to strike a potential from the list. (Even if its someone else's list.)

Onward.

*This comment pretty much solidifies my having a similar appearance when I am this woman's age.

The Art of Seduction

Well, this girl hasn't gotten out--yet. In fact, I ditched the girlfriends who were out at a locals night thing tonight. Wouldn't you know it, one of them texted me to say the hot men were out in droves. Here in N***? I don't believe it. And yet I feel the sting of jealousy ... Well, I made my bed and now I shall lie in it.

I've been reading a wacky book lately--I almost hate to admit it. But I am safely anonymous to most of you, so what the heck. I've been reading The Art of Seduction. Listen up: this book will make your skin crawl. (And if not, you're probably a calculating soul already.) And yet ... it's rather useful.

Now, do I want to hone in on a target and reel him in? No. Well, yes. Sort of. Do I want to be evil and manipulative about it? Definitely not. However, this book reminds me about human nature and gives valuable pointers on creating interest. If only the author didn't use words like "victim" and "alluring" so damn much.

You know, it occurs to me that seduction happens when it should. For example: there's a contractor I work with, and I know there is mutual attraction between us. (That he's a good three inches shorter than me is a troubling detail that somehow doesn't get in the way of attraction.) So far there's just been friendly/professional banter (and at least one interesting faux pas), but today I, knowing he likes beer, recommended a nearby restaurant that has an excellent selection of Belgian brews. Now, if he's brave enough--if my heels don't scare him off--he'll pick up on that suggestion and invite me out for a drink sometime soon. I wasn't calculating when I made my recommendation, but it occurred to me later that I was following the principles in that seduction book. Well, not event that, I was flirting--slyly, simply.

(Yes, I am in my 30s. Yes, I have had a fair amount of dates, lovers, boyfriends, etc. And, yes, I am shy. Screw it.)

Anyway, it remains: I need to get out. Hold me to it, 'k?

The Man Circle

I went out last night--a rare occurrence. Well, actually no--not rare. But in this case there was a whole, big group of us, men and women, and we were all celebrating someone's birthday and a friend of mine was driving me. And so I kicked up my heels more than usual.

We talked about men--three or four of us single girls and a married friend. The married friend asked if we'd created our "man circle," which she described as drawing a circle on a piece of paper and writing all the attributes and qualities you wanted in a man. One then affixes this paper to a prominent location, "like your refrigerator," she said, "although you can put it on the side so not just anyone will see it." She said she met her husband days after creating her man circle.

I can actually see the benefit of narrowing what you're looking for in a tangible way because then one isn't distracted by the cutie who doesn't have a job or who's hung up on his ex or whatever. I suppose I shall give it a go.

But I suspect my problem (at the moment) isn't identifying attributes and qualities but meeting men period. I need to work on that, first of all. Jeez. First and foremost: I need to stop wearing heels on social occasions. They put me in the stratosphere, and while that used to be a strategy to keep the boys at bay, I now see the value in approachability.

OKCupid is killing me. Still writing that one guy, but neither of us seem too hot to meet each other. I'm ready to take down the profile.

Tall Guy

A friend of mine mentioned a few days ago that she wanted me to meet her coworker. "Why," I asked. "Because he's tall," she beamed. Well, I guess I've been set up for worse reasons, such as merely being unattached. (Somehow starry-eyed matchmakers find the coincidence of singlehood so startling that they forget to take other factors into consideration. Factors such as shared interests and complimentary personalities and etc.)

Well, last night I met this friend and Tall Guy for drinks. I didn't appreciate exactly how tall he is until he stood up at the end of the night. I was in 4-inch heels and he still towered over me. I am duly impressed.

But as for other crucial criteria, I don't know. He seems like the sort of guy you'd want to hang out with. It isn't that he's unattractive (he is attractive), it's more that I suspect that he's in his late 20s. Guys that age (and on into their early 30s) don't seem to be interested in relationships. And if they are interested in relationships, most often they've already managed to be in one. You know?

Anyway, I'd go out with him and suss the situation. He does drive a nice, grownup car, after all. (If he'd left in a sports car I would be more wary.) This is supposing, of course, that he found me interesting. Who knows?

Cinderella's Slippers Have Heels

I found cute shoes, but they're heels, and even in bare feet I'm already taller than my date. I consulted a friend about this, and she assured me that as long as I am okay with it, no worries.

I am okay with it, of course. I'm taller than most people anyway. But is it rude to flaunt one's height on a first date? On the other hand, I know shorter men who love tall women--and love them more in heels. Maybe he's one of these. Maybe he'll be drawn to my confidence, or something.

Whatever, we'll be sitting down for most of the evening anyway.

By the way, it's brutally hot in the Napa Valley this afternoon. After a mild summer, this comes as somewhat of a shock.