The Man Corral

This Four Man Plan (4MP) is working perfectly. Right now I have five men (count 'em) in rotation. This is definitely a first for me--and it's purely for lack of trying earlier.

Some key points:
- None of these men have swept me off my feet
- I've made it clear to three of them that I'm seeing other men (TallGuy and Sailor being the exceptions); interesting that the ones who know I'm dating others are the most attentive!
- There is no stress here whatsoever - a surprise to me, who always thought that dating multiples would be stressful. Not so.

You may be wondering why I'm seeing these men if I'm not crazy about them. My thought is, why not? 4MP is a bootcamp for those of us who suck at dating--and I'll admit it: I suck at dating. I have broken hearts and have had my heart broken for years, pouring myself (hopes, dreams) into a single man who, if I'm honest with myself, I really just wanted to make out with (or sleep with). Far better to get it on than to imagine I'm in love--and imagine that he's a person entirely different than he is.

Dating these five guys (and I'm seeking more candidates--am I crazy?) is a great way to observe the male creature. It's a great way to get in touch with myself and to understand (learn) what I need in a relationship. Plus, these men (for the most part) are really stepping up to the plate. I've never been romanced before! (Could it have been that I set the threshold for sex far too low?) I cannot recommend 4MP enough.

So here's who I've got:

TallGuy - Hunky, but not in the game--he canceled our second date and hasn't rescheduled. He's off the graph in a couple of days, if I don't hear from him. (And, yes, I did pursue a second date with him--but according to The Plan, it's not for me to bug him any more. And actually, I don't mind--plenty of other men to do. I mean see. ;) ) I didn't let him know I'm seeing other men on the first date--a mistake, I think, and one that I have not repeated on dates with other men.

Mr. No-Car Bartender - I wish this guy would disappear! But fortunately, he has gone back to his evening bar tending job and I'm going out of town for a bit. I'll see him in two weeks, at the soonest.

Sailor - Our first date is August 1, and in the meantime, great emails and texts flit back and forth. I'm trying not to get my hopes up too much about this one, because as we all know, great email does not equal great chemistry in person.

Heli - We had our first date on Tuesday. I could tell by his face that he was surprised I'm so tall (didn't he read my very brief profile?). I thought we were just meeting for a drink, but he earned major points by making dinner reservations. Love it when a man takes initiative! (so rare, in my world) We have a second date this afternoon--and again he took initiative in choosing the restaurant and making reservations.

Realtor - I met Realtor on Wednesday. Yes, two first dates in a row. I don't recommend it. He drove all the way in from Oakland, too--very nice, but I don't like that it means we have to invest a chunk of time each time we see each other. Dating local is great because you can just pop out for a drink--given an hour's drive, you feel like you have to invest more time. Anyway, Realtor is smart, funny, masculine. Where I'm the reserved Northern Euro type (thanks to my upbringing, more than my actual heritage), he's boisterous and bigger than life. I'm not sure I could deal with that over the long haul. BUT, what I loved was that he was SO appreciative of my looks. "If I'd known you were so fine, I'd have driven up on Monday!"

Heli and Realtor are big on calling, and I'm not so much a phone person, though I realize it's important. Heli also texts WAY too much. Every day? We've just gone out once, buddy. I half wish I hadn't made plans with him this afternoon, but he's headed out of town soon (as am I), and the second date is more important than the first one, I believe. First dates are almost always a bundle of nerves and people are hardly ever representative of who they are.

Anyway, I'm having fun. I'm keeping an eye out for love, of course, but right now it's more about just meeting guys and appreciating them as they are with no expectations. Not a bad way to go.

TallGuy, Mr. Bartender and Now, Sailor

Adventures with The Four Man Plan continue, and I have to say, the method is great for someone like me--someone who puts eggs in all one basket way too easily, who can fall in love with an idea more easily than an actual man. I need to invest more time in Match and OKC, though, picking up more contacts (i.e. quarter men).

Here's the lay of the land:

I met Mr. Bartender at the billiards club last Saturday and had a beer and a half. Somewhere mid-way through our conversation, I said, "So, tell me about your car situation." And Mr. B basically said that cars are too expensive and he can just borrow his roommate's. Now, his roommate (his best friend) is married--so Mr. B is living with a young married couple and … I cannot imagine how annoying that must be, especially for the wife. He said he didn't have any DUIs, and I believe him, but it's just odd. Yes, cars are expensive, but if you're going to live outside a city, that's just the cost of getting around and having a life.

At the end of our date, he made a play for my next Saturday night (which would have been last night). Part of the 4MP is that you say yes to every invitation, but I didn't like my Saturday night being spoken for so far in advance! Yes, if I were interested in Mr. B, I would have been elated. I made some noises like, "Oh, that sounds fun. Sure, touch base with me mid-week." And I didn't hear from him all week, thank God. Yesterday (Saturday) he texted me to let me know that he'd been hired back at his old job--a restaurant that turns into a dance club Friday and Saturday nights. Did I want to come down?

No, no I didn't. Honestly, the restaurant is weird and Mr. B is the only bartender so I'd only be able to wave at him. He followed up with an invitation for me to come down earlier, he'd buy me a drink. I didn't respond--which will probably give me a dollop of bad dating karma.

But it really can't be worse, karma-wise, than what I've been experiencing recently anyway. A guy with no car, a super hot man who never followed up … That's right, no word from TallGuy. Par for the course. The disappointment is only glancing. He was, yes, hot--and I wanted to jump him. (was hoping for the opportunity, in fact--and I am rarely inspired to do so) But I don't think we had a good connection--not on the first date, anyway, which is why I wanted to try for a second. (That and the chance to at least make out, for pete's sake.)

Part of the reason I wasn't crushed with disappointment, however, was that I heard from Sailor: great email, nice profile, and after a few exchanges we realized that we had mutual friends and had met some 10 years ago! What a freakin' small world. He immediately gave me his number so we could text. Now, normally I don't text guys I don't know, but I made an exception with Sailor, and we've been texting off and on over the last few days. (This in addition to email.) It turns out that we even live in the same neighborhood. Crazy!

Now, examining my heart of hearts, I don't know that it will go anywhere with Sailor. I think we might be enjoying the slight familiarity. I don't know how recently he is out of his divorce … it might be easier for him to communicate when he's way out on the ocean. Who knows? I'm hoping for at least friendship, because he does seem like a cool guy. (I remember him that way--also somewhat taciturn with wild hair.)

This afternoon, I've got to drum up some more quarter men! It's the name of the game, ladies.