Over the last week or so I have realized that Guy is far more needy (and passive aggressive!) than I ever realized. The core problem was that he wanted to see me more than just weekends. (We did see each other several times a week until recently, when he offered--he offered!--to give me more space during the week.) I wanted to see him on weekends--my most cherished days of the week--because after long days at work, I couldn't bear being around someone who, well, wanted me body and soul. Too much pressure!
This sounds cruel. It is cruel. I explained to Guy that I wasn't as far along in the feelings department as he was and couldn't we slow down a bit? There were many discussions, some awful passive aggression and finally, tonight, he said that he just couldn't do it: people in a relationship need to be together. He said it wasn't right that he had to make all of the sacrifices. And et cetera.
He broke up with me.
It's true that I wasn't in love, but I liked him and would have happily stayed with him (until the neediness and PA became so evident) for quite awhile.
Tomorrow he's coming to pick up his stuff. Blech.
That was about three months, right? I give you a lot of credit for the ability to be so honest with Guy about your different levels of interest. That had to be a difficult conversation. That fact that you recognize your need for space and honor that need is so impressive. You stayed true to yourself. Congrats and best of luck. The hard part will be if you go back on match and see Guy on there too watching you move on knowing he probably feels like you are TOTGA. You may want to block him so he doesn't show up on your searches.
ReplyDeleteOh dear. I'm sorry about that. However, it sounds as if you are very clear about the differences between what you wanted and what he wanted. It's too bad there wasn't some median M.O., in which you could be together, but casually, without pressure. I hope you're all right in the coming days. Keep blogging! It's helpful, I find.
ReplyDeletexx
Really sorry to hear that! And despite what you wrote: that's not cruel at all -- you were simply honest.
ReplyDeleteI know this is a cliche, but better to find this out now rather than a year from now, right?
I bet a trip to NY would lift your spirits...!
Sorry to hear about the end of what seemed like such a great romance.
ReplyDeleteI'm curious about the passive aggressive behavior - if you are able to write about it I think that would make an interesting post.