The Date

We had a fine date: popular restaurant packed with people (and a great live band), delicious food and wine. Ryan (not his true name) and I talked a lot and even danced a bit. I'd decided on flats after I didn't accept his offer to pick me up as a way to make it up to him. (I'm so used to being independent and self-sufficient I forget to allow men to do nice things for me, and so I need to practice, no matter how small the gesture.)

I also let him pay for me, which is always hard for me to do. I of course thanked him several times.

We leaned in close to talk, partially so we could make ourselves heard but also because it's nice to be close. I put my hand on his shoulder several times, and he pulled me in close, too. But, and you'll be shocked, we didn't kiss at the end of the date. It wasn't because I didn't find him attractive--I do. I'm just not ready to go darting down that road yet. Prude? Maybe. Even men I find terribly, heart-breakingly attractive I don't kiss right off the bat. Why? I don't know. It could be viewed as game-playing but for me it's simply a matter of Figuring Things Out.

I warm up slowly. It's one of my "special features." And it's true that some don't have the patience for it--I can't blame them. I just can't bring myself to kiss a guy when I'm not sure where I want things to go. (And, sometimes, even when I'm pretty sure where I want things to go.) Perhaps I need to seek therapy on this point--or perhaps I will just keep on keeping on. No great harm has come from this M.O. yet.

Anyway, I enjoyed Ryan and I would go out with him again. I think we're a little uneven in some areas (accomplishments, experiences, etc.), though, and those could be deal-breakers for me.