Drama, in Miniature

Ladies, have you ever had a friend lay claim to a guy when she really had no business doing so? I mean, how fair is it to go around calling "I call dibs!" when everyone is still getting acquainted?

I find it terribly funny. Unless this whole thing starts getting dramatic, then I won't so much.

The funniest thing? The guy in question has been paying me the most attention, which is why I think D decided to mark her territory. Oh, it's all been very subtle, so please don't imagine visible huffiness/petulance.

I met this guy (who will get a name in the future--if warranted) last week with my friend, D, and another friend A. D knew him professionally and didn't seem interested in him, so what the hey, he and I chatted and laughed up a storm. He lent me his jacket. All very simple and nice. The next day D, A and I met for dinner and D chirps, "Yeah, so I'm thinking about having a summer fling with [the guy]. I really felt we had a connection." A looks really surprised and glances at me and says, "Really?!" And D, clueless (or is she?), says, "Yes, there was a definite spark. I'm going to pursue it."

Whatever. I thought it was amusing, but I wasn't going to discount her experience. Hey, maybe there had been a spark when I wasn't looking! Maybe our flirtations were in my head.

Still, I impishly struck up a conversation with the guy on Facebook, and when he rolled into town yesterday to hang out with a group of us, I definitely sensed ears perked in my direction. I didn't think D was truly interested in him; she goes on about different guys all the time. Plus, she's headed back east for a wedding soon and "just knows" she's going to meet someone fabulous.

Evidence of his interest: As the group of us were heading to a restaurant, he hung back and walked with me, even stopping with me to pull cash out of an ATM (and then later paying with his AmEx despite the wad o' cash in his wallet). And as we were at this particular restaurant, drinking drinks and eating sushi, he talked to me the whole time. I even tried to peel away, remembering that I was making myself too available.

So the guy and his friend had to leave early, and almost as soon as he left, D cozied in next to me and said she was really developing feelings for the guy and that they had shared some "meaningful glances." She's my friend, but really--is she serious?! Either she's delusional or crafty. Crafty because she may realize that I detest drama and will do anything to avoid it.

Well, I got a text from D at midnight last night (grrr) saying that she'd had an hour-long impromptu makeout session with another guy who was in our group. Nice. I'm all for a little action (lord knows I need some) but what D doesn't know is that in this town you have to be really careful about your Who, What, When, Where, Whys. Of course, I think her roll in the hay with the other guy makes her attempted claim on "my" guy void. Don't you think?

Not Lucky--Yet

August is a busy month here in the wine world. During hotter, more normal summers, we would already be in mad dash harvest. As it is, harvest is delayed until the first of September--at the earliest. Instead I've been busy with events and projects--your normal work fare.

And ... last week I witnessed a suicide. I know: awful, unbelievable, disturbing, and etc. I really can't say more here for searchability reasons, but if you'd like to know what happened, email me. Needless to say, that has taken a lot of dealing. (I know. You wouldn't think so--or maybe you would. I am resilient, after all. But it is rough to witness death, never mind a violent end--and that it was purposeful ...)

So, yes, the normal excuses for not writing--or dating!--busyness and, well, death. (Normal excuse? No, I guess not.)

But that doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about dating.

Did any of you catch the CNN article a couple of weeks ago that basically said that if we haven't found someone yet it's because we haven't been lucky? (I would link to it but can't find it now.)

I know, not particularly earth-shattering at first glance. The setup was perfection, though. How many of you have heard "Oh, but you're so gorgeous/talented/amazing! Why are you single?" (I see a forest of hands out there.) The author pointed out what all of you know--that this "compliment" has a hidden (or not-so-hidden) barb: Fabulous You must be hiding some sort of dark, hairy, insidious Thing that keeps the men/women at bay.

And don't we all feel that way at times? This is why we pay so much money for therapy or dating coaches or books. We want to know How To Be so we can win over that Someone Amazing.

The author asked us readers to consider our married friends. Are they any more perfect than we? Good God, no. They are themselves--a little amazing, a little troubled, a little funny, a little ugly. And they found love. (Or, they found marriage--we know love and marriage aren't givens.) Again, we just haven't been lucky ... yet.

I'm all for self-improvement. I think it is important to be the best person I can be--within reason. (I will not become OCD about it!) But I'll be that person for myself, not in order to woo someone. Also, I think it's important to stay active and get out there, thus increasing the chances for meeting interesting people.

Anyway, I felt encouraged after reading that reminder.

Good thing, because a friend of mine let me know that TOTGA's girlfriend's Facebook profile announces that she's engaged. (It's not clear that she's engaged to TOTGA, but we assume that's the case.) That knocked the wind out of me for about 30 seconds and then I recovered. Earlier this summer I finally, finally got a grip and recovered fully from all that pining. Jesus.

In other, gripping news, someone at work who is so, so crushable (I swear I had written about him before) left his crazy wife. Of course, this is a definite No Go. But it's fun to think about. :)

Life, Lately

Oh, I have a pretty clear picture of my faults: slightly puritanical about sex (in some regards anyway), out of whack when it comes to men, clueless about the simplest of relationships. But I don't feel hopeless about it. What can I do but laugh and keep learning, right?

I'm reading Julia Child's "My Life in France" right now and I love that she just up and says that she was still figuring things out at the ripe, old age of 37. I'm still in my first half (barely) of my 30s, but I'm still figuring things out. I am leaps behind most of you, I'm sure, but it sure is fun to learn. (Agonizing, sometimes, too.) Bear with me. (Or don't--that's the great thing about blogs; you don't have to read them.)

Things are great on the man front. Great because I am having fun, goddammit, not because I have any dates lined up. Right now I am enjoying meeting men and flirting and not worrying about followthrough.

Note to any man who might be reading this: salsa is a great opportunity to meet women. I'm talking dance, not sauce. Saturday night I found myself at a downtown N____ location, leaning against a bar while my friend, Amanda, danced an expert salsa. I didn't think anyone would actually ask me to dance, what with my height and what with these modern tendencies towards male hesitance. Well, I rested my elbows against the polished walnut not two minutes before this handsome Latino man walked up and asked me to dance. I said I didn't salsa, but he didn't care.

Meanwhile, there was a bank of Caucasian men drinking beer and watching and missing out on the action. My dance partner, Roberto, and I had a lot of fun, never mind that he spoke two works of English and I didn't dance salsa. So, men, if you don't dance, I suggest you pick it up. We ladies love a man who can dance!

New topic: How many hints should a woman drop before she gives up? I'm talking about C. We ran into each other at a restaurant last week and the delight in seeing each other was obvious, and I emailed him after asking him how he liked the place. He wrote back but ... I have suggested places in downtown N___, have mentioned the restaurants and drinks I like all to no avail. I sense interest, but again--no followthrough. (Maybe it's the Height Factor??)

Do I want to be with a man so hesitant? No. So my very own suggestion to myself is: drop it.

Very good. Will do.

On another note, I went to a trivia night at a bar up-valley last night and it became crystal clear to me that my friend (I use the term loosely) had talked me up to the dear, extremely nerdy guy keeping score. (Another friend, when describing the scorekeeper to me said, "Well, he's definitely not 007 ..." Ladies, there's got to be a whisper of sexiness--at least!--in a prospective interest, right??) So all night long, Scorekeeper kept on catching my eye and giving me The Eye, no less. Awkward! If my "friend" had left well enough along Scorekeeper and I might have become friends and something might (ugh, can't imagine) have happened. But nothing can happen now, what with all that hope swimming in his eyes.

I left right after the game, apologizing to my friend-friend for having slept so badly the night before and being so tired. Scorekeeper was disappointed. Tough. Not interested.

So, yes, this is life: the men I am not attracted to stand there waiting for me to bestow favor upon them while the others are like vapor (truly, because I can't think of anyone I'm attracted to at this moment).

Ah, life. I don't mind it. (smile)