OK Cupid, Whatcha' Got?

Ladies and gentlemen, we can blame (thank?) Loverville. I am in the process of joining OKCupid. I must say, for a completely free site, it seems very well designed and easy to use. And maybe they're just trying to lure me in, but the guys listed look interesting. (Must be fake profiles, right?)

Anyway, let the adventures ensue. I'm definitely not getting anywhere by following my set routines here at home--even if those routines involve hanging out (occasionally) at the NV hotspots. (Yesterday at brunch this 60-something man, drunk on mimosas I suppose, asked me if I was with someone. The answer was, of course, yes--I didn't want the guy bothering me! This is what one deals with here. Old, drunk, horny men. Wonderful.)

I feel entirely unconfident about this latest online dating attempt, but what's a girl to do? Last weekend I visited a friend in SF on what happened to be a gorgeous, sunny day. Everyone was out picnicking with their friends and family. I don't know if it was a ticking of the biological clock or if it was just loneliness, but I wanted that: the friends, the chubby children, the barbecue. I think my girlfriends felt it, too: the slight sadness of witnessing strangers' happiness. (But on the flip side, we have no diapers to change and no husbands to pick up after, though I know there is joy in caring for someone else.)

Adios Match!

Work is wild, but I am home (finally) and sipping at a particularly delicious Pinot Noir. Work may be wild, but life is good. Specifically: the love life.

Guy #1 and I had a wonderful day on Sunday. I met him at his home (which I loved for the imperfection of it) and we spent the gorgeous, fall day in the city. And here I confess that we didn't kiss on the first date. It was enough for me that the attraction was so obviously mutual. And we didn't kiss until close to the end of the second date. I don't regret the postponing and in this case the anticipation totally lived up to the delivery. Wow. But I didn't want to sleep with him on the second date.

We had our third date last night. Guy #1 drove over to my place and we ate and talked and kissed like crazy... and then talked about sex. This time around, I want to put to test the advice of Evan Mark Katz (and others): If you're looking for a relationship, don't sleep with a guy until you've had The Conversation. (Of course there are exceptions to this: Bill and I slept together before that conversation and he wanted a relationship with me more than anything; TOTGA and I never slept together--because I was waiting for that damn conversation! And a good thing I waited, too. He was a good guy, trying to do the right thing--but just not looking for a relationship with me.) I wasn't sure how to tell Guy #1 this, and I stumbled all over the place saying that I didn't mean this as an ultimatum of any sort, but that I just really didn't want to have sex until we knew where we were with each other. The sweet boy (man, that is--he's nine years older than me) said absolutely, of course--let's get to know each other better.

I can't tell you how good it felt to have that pressure lifted! Guy and I talked more, and I told him that more than anything I want to be able to share myself with another person. I know, heavy talk here, but isn't that the point of relationships? To fully be yourself with someone--and not your scratching, itching, belching "surface self" (these descriptives don't apply to me, of course) but your mental, emotional, physical self. Those things are so closely tied (I believe) and I've had a hard time sharing the mental/emotional side ... Anyway, clearly Guy is someone I can talk to about these things. He understood, says he too lives too much in his head and that he is working on that.

I love a man who's self-aware.

And here's the big news: after all of this talk, Guy told me that he'd taken down his profile on Match! I am so impressed that he didn't use that as a bargaining chip for sex.

Guy spent the night, and you know how novel it is to wake up for the first time next to that person who makes your stomach flip-flop.

I hid my Match profile today, too. I would have canceled it, but I signed up for a six-month subscription, and while I am optimistic about Guy and me, I am also a realist. Who knows?

Someone Interesting

Wouldn't you know it, I did meet someone interesting yesterday. Of course, meeting someone interesting and having it stick are two very different things.

This Someone Interesting (SI) was one of several guys who were in genuine lederhosen. I can see you're surprised by that. You wouldn't think I would be attracted to a guy in lederhosen, would you. Well, SI also had a sparkling sense of humor and took an obvious shine to me. He had me laughing so hard I couldn't speak.

He wandered away (I think a bratwurst on the grill was calling his name) and I really didn't think anything more of him until one of his friends said, "SI is sure going to be bummed when you leave."

"Really? It looks like he's having a good time." I gestured to SI, who was chatting with a toothy brunette. His friend didn't have much of a response and said only, "I don't know who that is."

Well, awhile later I was ready to head out. I bid my adieus here and there and passed SI on my way out. He was indeed disappointed to see me leaving (never mind that the brunette was beaming there at his elbow) and when he hugged me he said, "Ruby, Ruby" and then laughed nervously and said he was stuttering. (Oh, those many steins of good German beer!)

Later my friend asked me if he'd gotten my number. I was surprised at this and said, "Uh, no ...?" (I suspect that SI must've said something about me when I wasn't around. Everyone seemed so confident in his interest!) I told her that I really didn't think he was all that interested. After all, he'd been talking to that toothy brunette for hours! She shrugged, "That's just where he ended up."

Isn't it funny how that is? Well, I'm here to say (to both men and women) that if someone really sparks your interest, be sure you don't end up with someone else. For all I know, SI may have been most interested in the brunette, but my feminine instinct tells me that she'd just made herself convenient and he'd hoped to circle back. Little did he know how soon the time would run out.

Anyway, it doesn't matter. SI lives in Southern California.

But as my friend and I were driving back to the Napa Valley I mused that I'd really like to live in San Francisco one day. And, in the meantime, perhaps dive into the social scene. The city is an hour away from where I live, so it isn't terribly close (or terribly far). Who knows?

More Bill

The Napa Valley shrinks smaller and smaller.

Friends invited me to a soiree along the Napa River last night. I was running late and on my way I got a text from Bill: "Hey, I'm at this party on the Napa River. Thought we could hang out." Even though the Valley is small, it did seem a little wild that Bill would be at this party, since his town is a whole 30 minutes away--in good traffic.

I was happy to see him, though. I've missed him--as I've said--and I realize this is entirely unfair. I think it must be day-to-day stress that has me reminiscing about all of the good times.

Anyway, Bill didn't realize I had friends at this party, and I think he might have been surprised at that. (He had to be startled when Very Taken Joe--tall and quite handsome--greeted me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.) We talked a little, and then he drifted off--rather purposefully, I think--and so did I.

Tomorrow I'm headed into SF for a pre-Oktoberfest party. I had to rustle up a stein for the occasion. I found a cheap one, which I just know is going to stand out like a sore thumb. Where does one find a good stein outside of Germany? Aside from container issues, I have high hopes of meeting someone interesting ...