The names have shuffled around a bit, but I still have five guys in rotation. And, triumph of triumph: I picked up a guy in real life tonight! (Or, rather, he asked me out--I didn't hit on him or anything.)
"Drew" predicted in my previous post that this will end in disaster. It's possible, but I'm fully prepared for this possibility. Really, what could be more disastrous that my love life to date? Years of honing in on one guy, only to either (a) discover he wasn't into me or (b) break his heart ruthlessly. All of these previous relationships (of which there have been way too many) would have benefitted from slowing down, and that's what The Four Man Plan (4MP) affords me.
Heli and Realtor are still in play, and I'm seeing both this week. I still feel like they contact me too much. Why does this bother me so much? I've thought about it, and I think their constant attention reminds me too much of my ex, Mac, who had no life outside of me. That just scares me. I don't want to be anyone's Everything--at the same time, I recognize that if you meet someone cool, you're entitled to be excited about him/her. (And from my conversations with Heli and Realtor, they're not really seeing anyone else at the moment.)
Android is new to the plan. We're meeting Thursday. We've emailed a bit and he seems nice, smart and whatnot, but you really can't tell until you meet someone, can you?
This afternoon, at a BBQ, I met Wino. (So named because of the industry he works in, not because of drunkeness.) Before 4MP, I wouldn't have given him much thought. He's not attractive in the standard sense. And, on a superficial level, I'm a "hand girl"--I love manly hands on a guy. Wino has smaller hands--the hands of a surgeon, in the best light. But he is intelligent and a good conversationalist, and enjoys food and wine like I do. And, for Pete's sake, he asked me out. Note to the very few men reading this: ask a girl out. Chivalry ain't dead, yo. I'm looking forward to getting to know him.
So Thursday was The Sailor Date. Quick recap: I'd been looking forward to meeting Sailor through the month of July. We'd started communicating right as he was shipping off for the month. Through the month, we emailed and texted (occasionally). He wrote the best emails; I tried not to get carried away.
On Thursday, I drove over to his house--not something I would have done if I hadn't met him through mutual friends 10 years ago--and off we went on our evening: sushi, then darts and billiards. We laughed the whole time. In fact, a friend of mine who was sitting on the other side of the sushi bar (and who I didn't see at all) texted me later to say, "Give me your mom's number. I'll tell her you're not gay! Ruby, I've never seen you so into someone!" (See, there was a bit of a misunderstanding with my mom …)
I won't give you a play-by-play, but high points were: definite chemistry and some nice physical contact (no kissing--that's not necessarily on the table for me for a first date--more on this in another post). We both sucked at darts and billiards--to our great amusement. And after it all, I was sad. Sad to the ends of my toes. It carried into Friday, and I only felt better Saturday morning after a good night's sleep.
Why was I sad? Because it seems like almost ever time I have a good first date (or what I think is a good date), that ends up being the end of it. And because that kind of connection with a person reminds me how alone I am. I don't notice it in my day-to-day life. I'm a bit of a recluse, enjoying my reading and writing and bumbling around my condo on my own quite fine. But there's nothing like truly connecting with someone to make one think, "Oh, right. I'm missing out on something vital."
On Friday I sent Sailor a text (per 4MP) to thank him for the fun evening. And he responded saying he had fun, too, and that we both clearly needed practice at billiards and darts. That was that, and I thought to myself, "Self? I bet he's reading some manual for Man Dating. I bet I don't hear from him until Sunday evening." (Sailor is fairly recently divorced and has two kiddos. He's literally been off the market since age 23 or so. He has no clue about dating.)
Well, it's Sunday evening, and what do I get? A text from Sailor, which makes me very happy, of course. He wanted to get together for something quick and easy this week (minds out of the gutter: a walk!). But I literally have every night filled this week: gym, date, girl friend date, date, date. (Kill me now.) So we're getting together Saturday evening. Of course, I think it definitely doesn't hurt to put off a guy a little … never mind that I could happily jump him this second.
By the way, Sailor is two inches shorter than me. And two years younger than me. I don't care a bit. ;)
If I'm so into Sailor, why am I dating these other dudes? Because there are some key things I don't know about Sailor yet. Can I really handle his work schedule? (in port one month, out the next) Can I handle his fatherhood? (admirable, but do I really understand what it means?) Are we at the same maturity level? All these things will take some time to discover. And who knows, one of these other men could be the Dark Horse.
Or maybe it will end in disaster. Stay tuned. ;)
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