I've committed the cardinal blogging sin: I disappeared without a word of explanation. So I'll explain now: it was all too much.
And that isn't a proper explanation, I realize. Aren't the best blogs the ones that are wrought? Well, I was wrought, my friends. (All three of you, if you're still out there.) Instead of spending hundreds (thousands?) of dollars on therapy--dollars I had a hard time coming by, since Mac wasn't exactly able to help--I should have written it out here. I may have arrived at the same conclusion sooner and less expensively.
Since November 11, 2011, the following things have transpired:
- Mac asked me to marry him; I said yes
- I knew immediately that it was a mistake
- I agonized; he basically called me crazy and said I needed to be on anti-anxiety meds
- Therapists (and psychiatrist) disagreed--thought my anxiety was incident/issue specific
- We broke up on November 2, 2012
- I was happy! And have been since the day we broke up, but recently that happiness was compounded when …
- I realized Sunday--fully realized--that despite all of his good characteristics, Mac is something of a shit. I refused to see it before.
Friends, I'm getting ready to date again. Part of the preparation involves getting in shape (I gained probably 15 lbs during all of this drama); part of it involves fully understanding what happened so I won't repeat the same (same same same) mistakes (there's a dreadful pattern here)--and that's where this blog comes in.
I'm going to revisit some of these key moments: the engagement, various fights/discussions, the breakup, the final realization. It should just take a few blog posts (four at the most), and they may come in rapid succession.
I'm ready to make a change, inside and out.
